She finally smiles

She walks around the familiar lines

Step by step

Looking with greater passion

As if it was for the last time 

She walks and stops and walks 

To re imagine each moment spent 

Relive each memory

Those days of fun

And moments of fear

Of building

And destroying 

So crystal clear 

The walls narrate her story to herself 

They witnessed it all after all

They cry because they couldn't comfort her 

In times of chaos and mourn

Those objects she bought in happy times

Stare at her as she walks around

Shining at once with her chirpy sound 

Stood today dusted with deafening silent sound 

She walks and stops and walks around

With a smile on her face

May be these lifeless objects understood her more

Than any cell draining her head 

She takes a deep breath 

And gasps in for air 

Knowing it so different around 

She glimpses the stains of tears 

And the long lost joy profound 

She doesn't care about changing her clothes

Or packing her bags 

Or doing her hair well

This journey she was about to initiate 

Was hopefully better than any heaven or hell

She leaves her bedroom

Walks down to the lobby

Hoping to catch a glimpse of the morning sun

Peeping through the window 

Everything is dark 

But yet she sees light

In the next steps of her 

Bliss 

She knows mommy is annoyed

And dad probably has been silent in pain

She knows that all are worried for her

Its all such a sad stain

She can see people whispering 

But she can finally not hear a word 

Oh thank god 

She whispers to herself

She is finally free from the burden of her nature 

She walks around 

To reach the door 

But stops as she hears her name

Looking around she notices how

He sits somewhere in a corner 

Quiet and straight faced

She closes her eyes 

And looks at herself 

Lying so lifeless on the ground

Beautiful she feels

Smiling inside 

This was the end after all

She talks to him 

But he still cant hear

Its like even this didn't change 

She bids goodbye 

To all the familiar faces

With a smile 

No one will worry about her 

No one will carry the grief 

No one will have to wonder why she is abnormal

Crazy or a severe pain

No one will need to understand her dilemmas

Or try to prioritize her anymore 

She was finally free

Just thinking about herself 

Waiting to get lost 

Away from this world 

Oh so fake. 

- Diary of an Oxymoron

the flowering plant

a tiny plant
takes multiple shapes
just arrived
a tiny undergrowth
healing the fauna
a herbaceous flora
when rebellious
a weed for sure
when flowering
a pretty sight

uproot the plant
replant in an unknown soil
let the other plants compete
with it
for space, water and attention of the caregiver
dont water it adequately
dont give it love.care.concern
dont appreciate it for trying
ask it to adapt to new soil
again and again
question and shout at it for not blooming flowers
ask it to adapt to the new soil asap
ask it to be like the others around
ask it to be happier and not just ok with new environment
and when it doesnt bloom
shout again
stop watering totally
shout again
tell the other plants how incompetent this plant is
still wonder why it is not blooming
inject numbing serum

the plant will breathe
but not live
it will flower
but not frag-nate
it will grow
but not develop

a healing herb, a flowering shrub, a tiny pain-in-the-ass weed

green and flowering, numb and lifeless

a plant, like many others, dies, and still lives.

- Diary of an Oxymoron 

jeevni..

जकड़े हुए जो हैं बेड़ियां मेरे इन क़दमों को
क्या इस दुनिया कि हैं बनाई
या फिर खलल हैं मेरे ही मस्तिष्क का
जो मैंने हस्ते हस्ते अपने क़दमों को हैं पहनाई

आज सुनाओ तुम्हे क्या कहानी
जी रही हूँ मैं अभी भी इस ज़िंदगी को
एक तोह लम्हा है जो गज़रता नहीं
और दर्द जो जाने कब भरेगा

अगर लिखने से मेरी इस व्यथा को
भर पायेगा किसी का कोई ज़ख्म
तोह सुन लो और सुना दो इस साड़ी दुनिया को
मेरे इस जीवन का यह कथन

shabd, akshar aur lavz

वोह रात न जाने क्यों इतनी थी अकेली
न जाने क्यों फिर भी था उसका कलेजा सुकून में डूबा
उजाले में खेले सवालों ने बुनी थी जो पहेली
उसका जवाब मिलना था, जैसे मिलना कोई अजूबा
----
तुम कहते हो जानते हो मुझे
पहचान शब्द के हैं कई मतलब
समय से कुछ नहीं होता
कई बार सालों बीत जाते हैं अनजान रिश्ते में
----
कहानियां कई हैं इस कलेजे में दबी हुई
बताना भले ही नहीं हो आसान
पर खुद को हूँ मैं सुनाती कई रातों को
क्यूंकि नहीं बनना चाहती मैं खुद से अनजान
----
वक़्त किसी को लाता है करीब
किसी को बना देता है सबसे पराया
इस वक़्त के खेल से क्यों विचलित हो जाता है मन
इसने तोह न जाने कितनो को अनचाहा नृत्य है कराया

----

Writing

Its been a while i have written
Its been a while i jotted down a rhyme
I stand here at another crossroad
Gazing at the speed of time

The year that was & one that will
Are both staring me with round eyes
Of aww & shock, of surprise & hope
Of hellos and the goodbyes

Another quest in search of answers
To the curious self has started
Some moments are awaiting with arms wide open
And some have hopefully departed

- Diary of an Oxymoron

Lullaby

I write yet again
A lullaby
For the chaotic mind
Rolling back & forth playing blind

A lullaby
To sing to my ears a musical rap
Of situations
And the so called sweet trap

A lullaby
To numb the pumping blood
Numbing the red
Unsaying out loud the often said 

A lullaby
To gear up for circus
Entering the clown town of the brain
Let it rain, down the drain

A lullaby
Slowly soothing the mind
Into a sleep so sound
A thought process, not so profound 

A lullaby
Sweet soothing musical mystery of mind
A lullaby 

-Diary of an Oxymoron

She & Her

She and Her.. fight
Very often
A battle of silence
Driving each other to extremes
Its Emotions vs Logic
Innocence vs Maturity
A battle of senses
Sponge vs Strength
Empathy vs Clarity
Very often
She and Her.. fight
A battle in darkness
Of the night

-Diary of an Oxymoron