She finally smiles

She walks around the familiar lines

Step by step

Looking with greater passion

As if it was for the last time 

She walks and stops and walks 

To re imagine each moment spent 

Relive each memory

Those days of fun

And moments of fear

Of building

And destroying 

So crystal clear 

The walls narrate her story to herself 

They witnessed it all after all

They cry because they couldn't comfort her 

In times of chaos and mourn

Those objects she bought in happy times

Stare at her as she walks around

Shining at once with her chirpy sound 

Stood today dusted with deafening silent sound 

She walks and stops and walks around

With a smile on her face

May be these lifeless objects understood her more

Than any cell draining her head 

She takes a deep breath 

And gasps in for air 

Knowing it so different around 

She glimpses the stains of tears 

And the long lost joy profound 

She doesn't care about changing her clothes

Or packing her bags 

Or doing her hair well

This journey she was about to initiate 

Was hopefully better than any heaven or hell

She leaves her bedroom

Walks down to the lobby

Hoping to catch a glimpse of the morning sun

Peeping through the window 

Everything is dark 

But yet she sees light

In the next steps of her 

Bliss 

She knows mommy is annoyed

And dad probably has been silent in pain

She knows that all are worried for her

Its all such a sad stain

She can see people whispering 

But she can finally not hear a word 

Oh thank god 

She whispers to herself

She is finally free from the burden of her nature 

She walks around 

To reach the door 

But stops as she hears her name

Looking around she notices how

He sits somewhere in a corner 

Quiet and straight faced

She closes her eyes 

And looks at herself 

Lying so lifeless on the ground

Beautiful she feels

Smiling inside 

This was the end after all

She talks to him 

But he still cant hear

Its like even this didn't change 

She bids goodbye 

To all the familiar faces

With a smile 

No one will worry about her 

No one will carry the grief 

No one will have to wonder why she is abnormal

Crazy or a severe pain

No one will need to understand her dilemmas

Or try to prioritize her anymore 

She was finally free

Just thinking about herself 

Waiting to get lost 

Away from this world 

Oh so fake. 

- Diary of an Oxymoron

the flowering plant

a tiny plant
takes multiple shapes
just arrived
a tiny undergrowth
healing the fauna
a herbaceous flora
when rebellious
a weed for sure
when flowering
a pretty sight

uproot the plant
replant in an unknown soil
let the other plants compete
with it
for space, water and attention of the caregiver
dont water it adequately
dont give it love.care.concern
dont appreciate it for trying
ask it to adapt to new soil
again and again
question and shout at it for not blooming flowers
ask it to adapt to the new soil asap
ask it to be like the others around
ask it to be happier and not just ok with new environment
and when it doesnt bloom
shout again
stop watering totally
shout again
tell the other plants how incompetent this plant is
still wonder why it is not blooming
inject numbing serum

the plant will breathe
but not live
it will flower
but not frag-nate
it will grow
but not develop

a healing herb, a flowering shrub, a tiny pain-in-the-ass weed

green and flowering, numb and lifeless

a plant, like many others, dies, and still lives.

- Diary of an Oxymoron 

Lullaby

I write yet again
A lullaby
For the chaotic mind
Rolling back & forth playing blind

A lullaby
To sing to my ears a musical rap
Of situations
And the so called sweet trap

A lullaby
To numb the pumping blood
Numbing the red
Unsaying out loud the often said 

A lullaby
To gear up for circus
Entering the clown town of the brain
Let it rain, down the drain

A lullaby
Slowly soothing the mind
Into a sleep so sound
A thought process, not so profound 

A lullaby
Sweet soothing musical mystery of mind
A lullaby 

-Diary of an Oxymoron

She & Her

She and Her.. fight
Very often
A battle of silence
Driving each other to extremes
Its Emotions vs Logic
Innocence vs Maturity
A battle of senses
Sponge vs Strength
Empathy vs Clarity
Very often
She and Her.. fight
A battle in darkness
Of the night

-Diary of an Oxymoron

Moments

The lies that blind us
And the ones that bind us
All surrounding
Like a cocoon of moments
Worth living with? 

To those who cant see
That realities are a reflection
Of these moments lived
Worth having? 

The ties that bind us
And those that grind us
Of being something one isnt
Worth giving? 

To those who cant be
Their selves they wish to be
In these moments lived
Worth doing? 

- Diary of an Oxymoron

crevices and corners

the creak in the wall
reflects the gaps in my head
slowly filling in, not with truth
with dust of the realities instead 

I sit beside this noisy road
ideas rushing one nerve at a time
looking forward to destination far ahead
yet wondering why this poetry doesn't rhyme 

It is the journey we need to cherish
people often say it out loud
am i missing the point i think?
or there is a cloud hanging above the already present cloud

the creak in the wall
that I am staring at
looks back at me with laughter
It reminds me of the world
not proper, not perfect
it reminds me of how I am
imperfect, yet present, in the present conflict

The tea is cold
and so are the thoughts
waiting for a eureka moment to happen
about to get up
and take that leap,
for the sake of
filling with MY reality, the damn creak! 

Do it, right now. 

- Diary of an Oxymoron

She wrote

She wrote
Cz
There was a voice in her
That didnt let her sleep
She wrote 
Cz
There was a noise in her
That wanted to take that leap
She wrote
Cz
In writing, she found herself
And lost too
She wrote
Cz
Thats all she knew 

-Diary of an Oxymoron
(NY Chapter)

If life was simple

If life was that simple,
universe wouldn't have been this complicated
algebra would have been everyone's cup of tea
and a cup of tea wouldn't have been this hard to master

If life was that simple,
faces and phases would have been easily deciphered
symbols would have been universal
and meanings would be similar to actions 

If life was that simple,
the journey from naiveness to maturity would have been smooth
a book would be same for everyone
and everyone would have a similar story

life wasn't supposed to be simple
it will never be
and the beauty of it lies in acceptance
of realities and moving on, bravely. 

- Diary of an Oxymoron
(NY Chapter)

Do you?

Do you repent?
words
said, unsaid
defined, meaningless
unspoken, yet felt
spoken, but not felt

Do you cherish?
feelings
said, unsaid
long term, momentary
shared, euphoric
hidden, scared
Do you believe?
thoughts
said, unsaid
long term, random
discussed, celebrated
confused, chaotic
Do you?
be you?
or, a designed version
of you?

- Diary of an Oxymoron

Words

Epiphany
Same story syndrome
Moonlit sky

Callouts of dreams
Green and red
Laughter
Silence
Dead laughter
Counting
Countdown
Epiphany

- Diary of an Oxymoron

Painless Wound

It stays there
nomatter what
the stitchless sturture
Bleeds often
red, black, blue
painless,
that is in its nature

I cant recall
the incident
nor
the date, day, time
of the not-so-tragic fall
is it not important
or a lost cause
a bitter experience, sweet and sour

Medication?
Did i hear you right?
Hah! Not worth the penny spent
This painless jerk
resting on my skin
has lasted enough
to become hard to mend

I cant recall
what makes it bleed
nor
the trigger that stops the flow
It is not important
I guess I know
the joy
of the memory lapse
of the insatiable failure's glow

No cure
Or do I cherish the remains
of a memory long lost
For the pain
has ceased
and stain
intact
Makes me, Me, Me, Me
So hollow


- Diary of an Oxymoron

Same story syndrome

Describe it to me
A whole battle
Give me
An anecdote
Or a story
Lived

Theories
Realities
And the fuzzy linkages
Give me a point
Worth discussing
Again

A painless stitch
Is still unhealed
Over the
Wisdom box
Of mine
Give me a peck
Of the healing
Charm

Here i m
Listening
The not so usual
Process
Give me a phrase
Worth a
Chuckle

Fingers roam around
edges of
The round cup
Red cup
As clouds of pleasure
Surround
Give me
Another
Moment, to cherish

What do i give back then?
If you
Wonder
I laugh
Over
The unsaid, undone
Bah! Its all just the same

- Diary of an Oxymoron

hazy clarity

oozing out of the head
a silent war
knuckles crackle
as I go, type type
-
the headlines
dont make sense
footnotes
loose, lose, lost
-
sketching a picture
never seen
dramatic dullness
lullaby in spleen, numbing the skin
-
another tea
green in color
simmering the focus
into absent- mindedness
-
honk, or shout
into empty spaces
of the crowded vision
leading up to
nowhere?
-
nowhere?
or now-here?
scribble it off yet again
into a chaotic
blank slate

- Diary of an Oxymoron

tea & beer

too far
in the mind
a tea cup
and a beer undefined

sunshine and sea waves
spectacles and books
finding space
logic unhooks

momentary lapse
off the wisdom goes
a rollar coaster swirls
as the wind blows

queries pop up
and redness surrounds
will it be a memoir
or just a short story profound

- Diary of an Oxymoron

She & Routine

A silent prayer
has turned
into a high raise alarm
with sun still hiding
of the world
and she is here
feeling routine

snuggled up
along with a book
is now a dream
for she
is routine

dust beside the system
makes her feel regular
honking minds
chaotic crowd
for she feels
routine

black bags
black shoes
and that spark resides
inside
again a feeling
routine

dont think she is bored
but the normal curve
relates to dead
silently being led
to routine

she taps her feet
below the desk
awaiting a dance
again
because the usual norm is
routine

is routine so bad?
or is she not in tune
to the chords
of the life
driving her
to
monotony
cocooning the
butterfly again

routine


- Diary of an Oxymoron

Yet again, at Crossroads

fingers intertwined
a nervousness creeping in
here i am
yet again
at crossroads

the diagonal road
and the frictional thoughts
clash
like the titans
or
religions
yet again
at crossroads

how do u define
a state of mind
where
you are back to
square one?
yet again
at crossroads

at crossroads...


-Diary of an Oxymoron

Hey Girl

Hey Girl
What seems the case with your eyes
Is that black, a color of your unwiped kohl
Or a hangover from the last night

It could be a color of your pain
Or that of your skin
So undefined it seems to me
So blind

Hey Girl
Did he hit you again?
Or his lingering thoughts
Of the past
Didnt leave your mind

It could be a color of the night sky
Trapped in ur sleepless eyes
Or the color of sleeplessness itself
Of the overworked kind

Hey Girl
Are you crying again these times?
Or you didnt stop at all from that day
Memories of the past
Ghosts of the future undefined

It could be the pain that numbed you
Or the emptyness that defines you at times
Hollow do you feel
Or does it burst ur mind

Hey Girl
I look at you
And look at my mind
For we all are one
In a million similar stories of women personified

It could be that i am making it all up
Or reading it beyond the visible lines
Of expression,
Of those snubbed truths around
This careless world living beside

Hey Girl
What seems the case with your eyes
Is that black color a depth of the universe
Or that black hole of the ache
Of the you, the me, combined.

- Diary of an Oxymoron 

Faded scribbles

Write-erase
Write-erase
Write-erase & write
Till it gets engraved in my skin
Of felted memories & sadistic pleasures

I bleed
Red and blue
My nerves cry a soulful moan
I lie there with stain forever
Stain to cherish
Stain of pain

They tear the pages i wrote with my hand
Can they
Tear the moments i lived?
Can they
Tear erase undo each second
Can they? Undo

I am no joker
But i laugh on myself
Naive they say
I wish to be
Of the inhumanly ways of living

And cry

I m no kite
But i fly very often
Bird they say
I wish to be
Of the sailing ways in air define
And try

Write erase and erase it all
Destroy the nerves
But these marks will stay
Like memories of a fragrant clay

Mold them once again
I will. I will. Reshape. Regain.

Until then
You write erase
Cyclical style.

- Diary of an Oxymoron 

Rainbow Hues

Crumbled pieces undefined

A splash of colour invisible

Moods of loss and memories destined

Its a rainbow, Its a rainbow

Flowing fabrics woven with words

Wind takes over the game

Oh so beautiful the ugly mind of mine

Its a rainbow, Its a rainbow

Lost in the miseries of the time

Blinded by the passion of the rhyme

Pick up a random lingering thought

Its a rainbow, Its a rainbow

Chuckled at the thought of life

Its a dilemma of the knife

cut or chop, self or memories

Its a rainbow, Its a rainbow

Its a rainbow, black and white

Its a rainbow, invisible light

Its a rainbow so far so near

Its a rainbow, why fear?

- Diary of an Oxymoron

Crossroads

At crossroads
There is no menu
You are often served a blast from the past
Or a question from the future

At crossroads
There is no helping hand
To guide you to the light
To make you strong for the fight

At crossroads
You stand alone
As past rewinds n future turns hazy
Do you stop ur nerve cells from being lazy?

At crossroads
You take the leap
That one step seals a deal
That one slap breaks the dream to real

At crossroads
You are taught lessons that make u rewise
And questions from every book u ever read
Every thing you ever said

At crossroads
There is just you
Just you guiding urself
And nothing else matters

At crossroads
You grow up, you turn braindead
Often mistake ideas you are fed
Into nothingness

At crossroads
Standing at crossroads
Hit by a car
Not yet arrived

At crossroads
Lights turn blue
And people turn green
How do you ignore everything
And take the leap????

- Diary of an Oxymoron