jeevni..

जकड़े हुए जो हैं बेड़ियां मेरे इन क़दमों को
क्या इस दुनिया कि हैं बनाई
या फिर खलल हैं मेरे ही मस्तिष्क का
जो मैंने हस्ते हस्ते अपने क़दमों को हैं पहनाई

आज सुनाओ तुम्हे क्या कहानी
जी रही हूँ मैं अभी भी इस ज़िंदगी को
एक तोह लम्हा है जो गज़रता नहीं
और दर्द जो जाने कब भरेगा

अगर लिखने से मेरी इस व्यथा को
भर पायेगा किसी का कोई ज़ख्म
तोह सुन लो और सुना दो इस साड़ी दुनिया को
मेरे इस जीवन का यह कथन

shabd, akshar aur lavz

वोह रात न जाने क्यों इतनी थी अकेली
न जाने क्यों फिर भी था उसका कलेजा सुकून में डूबा
उजाले में खेले सवालों ने बुनी थी जो पहेली
उसका जवाब मिलना था, जैसे मिलना कोई अजूबा
----
तुम कहते हो जानते हो मुझे
पहचान शब्द के हैं कई मतलब
समय से कुछ नहीं होता
कई बार सालों बीत जाते हैं अनजान रिश्ते में
----
कहानियां कई हैं इस कलेजे में दबी हुई
बताना भले ही नहीं हो आसान
पर खुद को हूँ मैं सुनाती कई रातों को
क्यूंकि नहीं बनना चाहती मैं खुद से अनजान
----
वक़्त किसी को लाता है करीब
किसी को बना देता है सबसे पराया
इस वक़्त के खेल से क्यों विचलित हो जाता है मन
इसने तोह न जाने कितनो को अनचाहा नृत्य है कराया

----

Do you?

Do you repent?
words
said, unsaid
defined, meaningless
unspoken, yet felt
spoken, but not felt

Do you cherish?
feelings
said, unsaid
long term, momentary
shared, euphoric
hidden, scared
Do you believe?
thoughts
said, unsaid
long term, random
discussed, celebrated
confused, chaotic
Do you?
be you?
or, a designed version
of you?

- Diary of an Oxymoron

Words

Epiphany
Same story syndrome
Moonlit sky

Callouts of dreams
Green and red
Laughter
Silence
Dead laughter
Counting
Countdown
Epiphany

- Diary of an Oxymoron

Painless Wound

It stays there
nomatter what
the stitchless sturture
Bleeds often
red, black, blue
painless,
that is in its nature

I cant recall
the incident
nor
the date, day, time
of the not-so-tragic fall
is it not important
or a lost cause
a bitter experience, sweet and sour

Medication?
Did i hear you right?
Hah! Not worth the penny spent
This painless jerk
resting on my skin
has lasted enough
to become hard to mend

I cant recall
what makes it bleed
nor
the trigger that stops the flow
It is not important
I guess I know
the joy
of the memory lapse
of the insatiable failure's glow

No cure
Or do I cherish the remains
of a memory long lost
For the pain
has ceased
and stain
intact
Makes me, Me, Me, Me
So hollow


- Diary of an Oxymoron

hazy clarity

oozing out of the head
a silent war
knuckles crackle
as I go, type type
-
the headlines
dont make sense
footnotes
loose, lose, lost
-
sketching a picture
never seen
dramatic dullness
lullaby in spleen, numbing the skin
-
another tea
green in color
simmering the focus
into absent- mindedness
-
honk, or shout
into empty spaces
of the crowded vision
leading up to
nowhere?
-
nowhere?
or now-here?
scribble it off yet again
into a chaotic
blank slate

- Diary of an Oxymoron

tea & beer

too far
in the mind
a tea cup
and a beer undefined

sunshine and sea waves
spectacles and books
finding space
logic unhooks

momentary lapse
off the wisdom goes
a rollar coaster swirls
as the wind blows

queries pop up
and redness surrounds
will it be a memoir
or just a short story profound

- Diary of an Oxymoron

Rainbow Hues

Crumbled pieces undefined

A splash of colour invisible

Moods of loss and memories destined

Its a rainbow, Its a rainbow

Flowing fabrics woven with words

Wind takes over the game

Oh so beautiful the ugly mind of mine

Its a rainbow, Its a rainbow

Lost in the miseries of the time

Blinded by the passion of the rhyme

Pick up a random lingering thought

Its a rainbow, Its a rainbow

Chuckled at the thought of life

Its a dilemma of the knife

cut or chop, self or memories

Its a rainbow, Its a rainbow

Its a rainbow, black and white

Its a rainbow, invisible light

Its a rainbow so far so near

Its a rainbow, why fear?

- Diary of an Oxymoron

the end of the tunnel

The cursor stares at me
Questions my intention of being so attached
I make another click sound and it snaps

The over burdened keys of iMine
Are tired of my fingers lingering over
They fail to fulfil my desire, of being better

Just when I fall in love with sense
Technology fails me
I start all over again, like a lab rat

Is this my destiny?
sitting and puking words out of my hands
Or there is more to come, worth cherishing?

I might fall in love, again
But no, i should not
Because the pleasure that this process has given me
Is painful in its own sultry way
I might give up,
But, not today, yet another day.

Oh the endless cycle of sense
Your monotony is killing me
What awaits?
Awaiting to be free.

-Diary of an Oxymoron

Momentary lapse

Words lost in the eyes
Words that dont make any sense
Still its muscial
Just standing n staring from a distance

A note is high
A gramatical error
Sentences or jumbled alphabets
Finding meaning, the only terror

Point by point i measure the depth
Of tunnel leading up to nowhere
I feel so lost, yet so found
In a moment, of a second's stare

Is it a mistake i might make
Or a momentary lapse profound
I am here to surrender to
The nothingness serene sound

- Diary of an Oxymoron

Think, you can?

Paint the world. My colour is mean. I think I'm missing a link.
Nails turn blue. Irony has died. I think I'm beyond numb, dumb?
Say you are sorry. Say you are not. I think I'm plastic.
The world is solace. My soul is on hold. I think I'm a radio.
Sins are cool. Books dusty. I think I'm a moment.
Nonsense thoughts. Food that rots. I think I'm melting.
Scribble empty words. Speak up unfelt touch. I think I'm Narnia.
Leave my washcloth. The dirty thought. I think I'm a dark blot.
Smiling face. crooked line. I think I'm just fine.

- Diary of an Oxymoron

Random thoughts to live by

Crawling thoughts and crippled mind

Open my head and that's what u find

A silently howling cat like witch 

With an open wound & undon stitch

----------

Water burnt me

Leavin scars so deep

That green blood oozed out

With Frozen memories to keep

Is it impossible, I shout

Sadly abuses end in beep

----------

This poetry of mine is always incomplete

For the pain is alive to stop me from being upbeat

Strong enough to finish the story

And call it my personal glory

----------

Bleeding blue, bleeding red, bleed and bleed

Till d time you empty the color of greed

Greed to satisfy your soul with a lie

Once it's over, off you fly

----------

Let loose the grip you crazy lost cause

It's better to end story then to live in pause

For the ironic life won't always rhyme

Thoughts worth a dime?

----------

The oooh's and aah's turned sore

Moods sucked as stunk the core

Still giving up seems so tough

Happy to live a lie so rough?

----------

Past in present is a deep bruise

How do you give up, let it loose

It didn't rhyme neither matched the steps

As one ate lentil, other made crepes

- Diary of an Oxymoron