the flowering plant

a tiny plant
takes multiple shapes
just arrived
a tiny undergrowth
healing the fauna
a herbaceous flora
when rebellious
a weed for sure
when flowering
a pretty sight

uproot the plant
replant in an unknown soil
let the other plants compete
with it
for space, water and attention of the caregiver
dont water it adequately
dont give it love.care.concern
dont appreciate it for trying
ask it to adapt to new soil
again and again
question and shout at it for not blooming flowers
ask it to adapt to the new soil asap
ask it to be like the others around
ask it to be happier and not just ok with new environment
and when it doesnt bloom
shout again
stop watering totally
shout again
tell the other plants how incompetent this plant is
still wonder why it is not blooming
inject numbing serum

the plant will breathe
but not live
it will flower
but not frag-nate
it will grow
but not develop

a healing herb, a flowering shrub, a tiny pain-in-the-ass weed

green and flowering, numb and lifeless

a plant, like many others, dies, and still lives.

- Diary of an Oxymoron 

shabd, akshar aur lavz

वोह रात न जाने क्यों इतनी थी अकेली
न जाने क्यों फिर भी था उसका कलेजा सुकून में डूबा
उजाले में खेले सवालों ने बुनी थी जो पहेली
उसका जवाब मिलना था, जैसे मिलना कोई अजूबा
----
तुम कहते हो जानते हो मुझे
पहचान शब्द के हैं कई मतलब
समय से कुछ नहीं होता
कई बार सालों बीत जाते हैं अनजान रिश्ते में
----
कहानियां कई हैं इस कलेजे में दबी हुई
बताना भले ही नहीं हो आसान
पर खुद को हूँ मैं सुनाती कई रातों को
क्यूंकि नहीं बनना चाहती मैं खुद से अनजान
----
वक़्त किसी को लाता है करीब
किसी को बना देता है सबसे पराया
इस वक़्त के खेल से क्यों विचलित हो जाता है मन
इसने तोह न जाने कितनो को अनचाहा नृत्य है कराया

----

crevices and corners

the creak in the wall
reflects the gaps in my head
slowly filling in, not with truth
with dust of the realities instead 

I sit beside this noisy road
ideas rushing one nerve at a time
looking forward to destination far ahead
yet wondering why this poetry doesn't rhyme 

It is the journey we need to cherish
people often say it out loud
am i missing the point i think?
or there is a cloud hanging above the already present cloud

the creak in the wall
that I am staring at
looks back at me with laughter
It reminds me of the world
not proper, not perfect
it reminds me of how I am
imperfect, yet present, in the present conflict

The tea is cold
and so are the thoughts
waiting for a eureka moment to happen
about to get up
and take that leap,
for the sake of
filling with MY reality, the damn creak! 

Do it, right now. 

- Diary of an Oxymoron

Do you?

Do you repent?
words
said, unsaid
defined, meaningless
unspoken, yet felt
spoken, but not felt

Do you cherish?
feelings
said, unsaid
long term, momentary
shared, euphoric
hidden, scared
Do you believe?
thoughts
said, unsaid
long term, random
discussed, celebrated
confused, chaotic
Do you?
be you?
or, a designed version
of you?

- Diary of an Oxymoron

tea & beer

too far
in the mind
a tea cup
and a beer undefined

sunshine and sea waves
spectacles and books
finding space
logic unhooks

momentary lapse
off the wisdom goes
a rollar coaster swirls
as the wind blows

queries pop up
and redness surrounds
will it be a memoir
or just a short story profound

- Diary of an Oxymoron

She & Routine

A silent prayer
has turned
into a high raise alarm
with sun still hiding
of the world
and she is here
feeling routine

snuggled up
along with a book
is now a dream
for she
is routine

dust beside the system
makes her feel regular
honking minds
chaotic crowd
for she feels
routine

black bags
black shoes
and that spark resides
inside
again a feeling
routine

dont think she is bored
but the normal curve
relates to dead
silently being led
to routine

she taps her feet
below the desk
awaiting a dance
again
because the usual norm is
routine

is routine so bad?
or is she not in tune
to the chords
of the life
driving her
to
monotony
cocooning the
butterfly again

routine


- Diary of an Oxymoron

आज फिरसे

आखें बंद करी
चेहरा मुरझाया है
आज क्या फिरसे
छाया गम का साया है

सब कहतें हैं नहीं है मेरे पास
कोई वजह गुमसुम रहने की
मेरा है जो हाल कभी
कौन समझ पाया है

हवा जो चलती है
लहराते हैं पत्ते कई
इस हवा के रुख के साथ
क्या बदला अपना परया है

मामूली लगते हैं मुझे
यह दुनिया के कीमती गुम्बद
इस शीशे सामान पिंजर मैं को
न जाने कितनो ने रुलाया है

न चाहिए मुझे कोई हाथ
जो रोक सके इस बिखरी हुई सोच को
मेरे इस बहते हुए व्यक्तित्व को
मेरे ही बनाये तिनके का सहारा है

खुशियां हैं मुझसे
और मैंने ही संभाले हैं अपने गम
इस रेत के सामान किनारे मन में
कौन सी लहर का व्यक्तित्व समा पाया है.

- Diary of an Oxymoron

Yet again, at Crossroads

fingers intertwined
a nervousness creeping in
here i am
yet again
at crossroads

the diagonal road
and the frictional thoughts
clash
like the titans
or
religions
yet again
at crossroads

how do u define
a state of mind
where
you are back to
square one?
yet again
at crossroads

at crossroads...


-Diary of an Oxymoron

Think, you can?

Paint the world. My colour is mean. I think I'm missing a link.
Nails turn blue. Irony has died. I think I'm beyond numb, dumb?
Say you are sorry. Say you are not. I think I'm plastic.
The world is solace. My soul is on hold. I think I'm a radio.
Sins are cool. Books dusty. I think I'm a moment.
Nonsense thoughts. Food that rots. I think I'm melting.
Scribble empty words. Speak up unfelt touch. I think I'm Narnia.
Leave my washcloth. The dirty thought. I think I'm a dark blot.
Smiling face. crooked line. I think I'm just fine.

- Diary of an Oxymoron

Motionless

I didnt fall or slip
But there is blood oozing out the back of my head
There is a little pain i feel
But all I remember was sleeping on my bed

The last vision I have is a cheerful one
Or so I think it looks to me
The blood is red, and sometimes green
Makes me question what I might just be

Am I dreaming? Or is this still a state so real
That I can feel energy sucked out of my soul
They say it is never a big deal
But it is making me question my role

I am motionless, numb and yet so alive
It is a state of body or mind
I am here, and I strive
To excel, for happiness is yet so blind

Confusions

And it said, it's time to take a stand. Either here or there. 

That had been my struggle since past many years. 

Many many years

I felt torn again. Torn between duties n desires.. 

That had been my struggle since many years. 

Many many years

The statement was now is the time. It's been stretched decision for long

That had been my struggle for many years 

Many many years

Coming from the confusions mouth, I had nothing to question. I was torn again. 

That had been my struggle for many years. 

Many many years

You can't chose so easily! Or can you? Wants pull you, so do your responsibilities n decisions. 

Struggle..

Many many years..

I stood there, or maybe lay in my pool of drama with that sinking feeling yet again. 
To choose. 
To let go or hold onto. 

Many many years

The beauty pulled me, the ugliness inside made me drift apart. 
Reality was hitting hard.. Dreams popping up once again

Many many years.

The beauty pulled me, the ugliness inside made me drift apart. 
Reality was hitting hard.. Dreams popping up once again

Many many years.

The funny thing was that the message came from the confusion itself. 
I couldn't argue. At all. Anymore. Now.

Struggles

Many many years

And all I wanted was the night to pass by so that once again I conveniently run away. Escapism. Yet again. 

Struggle.

Many many years

Coward? Irresponsible? Incompetent? Indecisive? Immature? Illogical? Emotional?

Haunted. Haunted. Haunted. 

Many many years

I want to sleep again. A peaceful lullaby if the confusions could sing. 
But al I heard were shrill shrieks. 

Dwindled again.

Many many years

The moon was complete making me empty. The stars shining as I lost my glow. 
The darkness inside blew me away.

Yet again lost

Many many years

Numb numb. I want to be. Dumb dumb so wish to me. The sound was killing n I drifted apart. 

Choose now as it shouted

Many many years

Kill me cz I can't bleed anymore. Maybe that's why I am so dead. Breathing for the world

Missing heart or lost the soul 

Many many years

Words are lost. From my mouth. Heart is blind. And u ask me to decide from what??

How? How? Now? Now? 

Struggles. 

Many many years

Incomplete I shall be. Always. Like this abode of my mind. Always. 

Confusions are life? 

Decide what? 

Struggles. 

Many

Many 

Years

- Diary of an Oxymoron

Hollow chested

All the curses have finally started working again
And I thought good was here to stay
But then maybe I was being to hopeful
But then maybe somewhere I knew this was bound to happen
The sharp words cutting my soul are being thrown
The unknown forces have started to pull push again
What went around is coming back
I stand here, being bruised by winds of the past.

Winds of the past, tornados of the present!

- Diary of an Oxymoron

Pains & Pleasures

The Pleasure of not knowing what is in store for you is much equal to the Pain of the Past. Both give you a hollow chest.

- Diary of an Oxymoron

That Bright Darkness

Is it a crawling snake 
That i can see with my eyes shut 
Or do I need to use a shiny rake
To polish the loose ends of my senseless gut 

The darkness around is darkness inside
That resonates every now and then
Sooner or later I will have to decide
To embrace or reject it from within

The birds have stopped chirping now
And the trees stand unshaken
All I see is a raised up brow
With hoards of words waiting to be taken

The sudden rush brings joyful trouble
In this dark painful body of work
Eyes rubbed again to rid off the bubble
Trying to shed of the inside Berk

Creaks of the window are in pain
Without the wind playing a role
The glass is lost & wood is in stain
Nobody looks at the unattended pole

Pages flying in the head
Are they a figment of imagination too
Lying on desk, sitting on bed
Asking why when the question is who

The snake crawls near
And starts growing in size
Bravely face it without any fear
Or wear a veil and disguise

No sign of light, but fire within
Cz fear is lived to reach freedom
Don't burst the thought yet with that pin
Prematurity here would be just so dumb

The darkness around is darkness inside
For fire originates in you
Convert it in light and let it reside
In words long lived, even if a few

Is it a crawling snake
You can continue to question forever
Or puff the snake & his venom
And cherish the poison in you, in you..

- Diary of an Oxymoron

Monster under my bed

I know a sleeping monster. 
He lives in my head 
Always comes to haunt at wrong times
From under the bed 

He eats on my soulless flesh 
And drinks my thoughts alive 
Gets lost after making me habitual
N wakes me up by laughing aloud at five 

Comes and goes, in head and in heart
I often sit back and wonder
Why did I give him the right to live in
My life and cause lightening thunder

The sleepy monster with words so sharp
And a charming giggle to flash
If u ignore he makes u feel wanted
Being attended he throws u down to trash

Sleeping monster, or sleepy monster
I m tired of ur charming scare
I need to breathe without the shock
I think I have had enough of my share 

- Diary of an Oxymoron 

बिखरे हुए लव्ज़

पंख भले ही न हों मेरे दामन में
पर उड़ना सीख लिया है
कौन कहता है ज़रूरी है की कोई हवा चले
उड़ान भरने के लिए हौंसला ही काफी है

नसीब की बातें न करिये आज
ऐसा न हो की खुद पे से विश्वास ही उठ जाये
हाथों की लकीरों का क्या कुसूर
हिम्मत तोह बिना हाथ वालों में भी बहुत है

एक ज़ालिम समाज है
जिसको कोसते कोसते हम थकते नहीं
और एक यह ज़ालिम दिल है हमारा
की सवालों के जवाब में खुद को चोट पहुचता है

कुछ लकज़ आज फिर हैं बिखरे हुए
जैसे वक़्त ने सवालों का डिब्बा है खोला
दर्द है की सिमट नहीं रहा
और कमभक्त ढक्कन ही गायब हो गया है

रुकते नहीं हैं जो समय के यह पल
वैसे ही थम नहीं पा रही है मेरी उलझन
कुछ तोह मेरा कुसूर ज़रूर होगा
वरना ऐसा ज़ुल्म? हाय तौबा

रौशनी जो आज दिख रही है
वह है किसी बादल के गरजने की चमक
अपने आप को समेटे रखना है
एक दिन तोह उजाला भी चेहरा दिखायेगा

- Diary of an Oxymoron

Strolling thoughts. Lingering Lines!

Just below the charminar lies a very tiny old Hindu temple. While the mosque nearby resonated Allah musicals, loud chants attracted Hindus.

Iftaar food on the streets and chameli flowers beaded in threads all lie there together. I wondered why so much police strolled the area.

Was it because it was a Hindu festival in ramazan month or because of the historical not so friendly friendship between the two religions.

I saw anxities on the faces of many. I saw happiness too. I saw poverty as limbless beggars approached travelers. I saw richness too.

I saw so many distinctions. But what shined the most in this land of confusions was the loss of humanity. Ppl were running away.

Running away from realities. Realities not that the govt has constructed for them. But realities of their birth. Not religion. Not land

In the bright day n loud music, in the crowd n chaos, the monument stood their witnessing yet another chaos. I stood there doing same.

How was then I different from the four pillars of charminar? Not old enough like them but as meaningless as it could be for any action.

Bricks, stones, heart, humans, all hav slowly turned synonymous. Witnesng events not so pleasant. Scared of conflict. Scarred by conflict

I wasn't alone there. I realized how everyone was beaded together by history and future. Even if they disliked. Trying to break free..

The chaos turned silent n I kept walking. Just another futile day of realizations and helplessness. That's how I romance with chaos!

- Diary of an Oxymoron

शब्द - निशब्द

यह कविता मेरी
नहीं कोई ज़रिया मुझे जान्ने का
यह तोह बस एक दूर का मृगजल है
पास आओगे, तोह छुह हो जायेगा!
-------------

अदृश्य दीवारें जो दिखाई देती हैं
कल्पना कि उपज हैं तुम्हारी
मेरे इस टेढ़े मेढ़े दर्पण में न देखो
खुद को अनजान समझने लगोगे

--------------

लहरें आती हैं, लहरें जाती हैं
किनारा वहीँ का वहीँ रेह जाता है
लहरें तोह शायद किनारे का फिर भी सोच लें
किनारे को कभी किसी एक लहर पे रोते देखा है?
---------------

चाहे कहो उसे धुप या सूरज निराला
है वोह बारिश के तीर, पानी कि बहती ज्वाला
कभी रेगित्सान कि मिटटी और कभी बंजर यह ज़मीन
कभी मीठी सी खुश्बू, कभी बेरंग नमकीन

उड़ती चिड़िया, जुडी हुई जड़ें
अनसुना संगीत, शान्ति कहीं है खड़े
आग या हवा, अनजान एक कहानी
कैसे शुरू करोगे सुनानी?
---------

जो लम्हे अभी जीए नहीं
उनको सोच के क्यूँ ए दिल तू है परेशान
जिनमें सांस ले रहा है ए राही
उसमें क्यूँ नहीं छोड़ देता अपने कुछ निशान

Beneath the starry sky

Beneath the stary sky.. As I close my eyes.. 

The world is still round, profanity still found, I m still a mess and so are you!

It's the silence that is chaos, the words that create the lull..

It's magic yet tragic.. I m still a mess, and so are you

The city lights r left far behind, the darkness is lighting we need 2 find. 

Questions still exist, I m still a mess & so r u

The loneliness might just kill, but then that is all the thrill.. 

Empty mess to fill.. I m still a mess and so are you

We walk bare feet towards the bright, half way as we switch off the light..

It's directionless.. I m still a mess and so r u

We need no one, cz it's just so right. With each another their is no fight.. 

Enjoy the mess.. Cz I m still a mess and so r u

- Diary of an Oxymoron 

कुछ भी …..

बेचैन होना भी एक नशा है
कभी चख के देखो तोह ज़रा
चैन मिलता है जब कुछ पल के लिए
जान निकल जाती है!

कुछ भी ---------------

कहानियां कई हैं
इस बंजर ज़मीन में हुई दबी
खोदने कि हिम्मत चाहिए
खज़ाना मिलना फिर दूर कहाँ

कुछ भी ---------------

कहानियोंकी जुबां की

होती नहीं कोई भाषा 

सुनो तोह उन्हें ध्यान से

डूबने के लिए क्या ज़रुरत किसी शब्द कि 

कुछ भी ---------------

आज सुनी जो है कहानी 

तुमने मेरी मूक ज़ुबानी 

काम न भले आये अभी 

सोच में दाल देगी आगे कभी 

कुछ भी ---------------

कहीं दूर जब 

किसी रानी की

कोई सुनान रात।

क्या ऐसे शुरू हुई थी कोई तुम्हारी बात?