Will you marry me?

Well.. Indian wedding and marriage world is one hell of a rollar coaster ride.. honestly.. its a hush hush scenario till a groom-bride is finalized and one hell of a blah-blah syndrome once the wedding is fixed..Its a business.. a religious cultural social and for me hysterical business!! "I am an Indian Girl".. I mean doesnt that say it all?? It does!! It totally does.. being born in a Hindu Upper Middle Class Brahmin Family, and that too as a girl..one should expect me to be this "Let-my-parents-decide" stuff for me kinds.. and trust me, in the wedding scenario it kind of is..with a bit of tweeks here and there..

Its a man's world..I am a feminist born in a stereotypical pro man family.. and in my 24 years journey in my ancestral family I have tried my best to change a lot of the things ingrained in the roots of our hindu brahmin culture..a few of which I have changed too, of which I am proud about.. atleast the fact that noone in my whole huge paternal and maternal family ever speaks ill of womanhood and being a girl in front of me is a huge achievement I am so proud of...so proud of that I wish I could write it up in my professional CV :)

But..the irony is that when it comes to marriage I find myself lost in this chaotic world around me.. My feelings for relationships are as weird as my concept about marriage.. its not that I dont wanna marry.. I surely wanna marry someday, but what makes marriage so difficult for me is my observation of both arranged as well as love marriages around me..The world is changing, more and more people are getting open with the concept of intercaste marriage..but as that is happening, its interesting to see that the number of divorce rates and unhappy married people is also going up.. I am a researcher, a PhD scholar.. and my questioning skills aren't restricted to my profession.. I question everything around me and the sanctity of wedlock and marriage is something I question everyday, given the fact I am in the "so-called-marriageable" age!! phew!!

I believe, atleast for a start, that relationships should be simple and they are till the time the human beings involved are making an attempt to keep it simple. I mean you haveto make an effort to stay together given the fact that today the scenario is very different from ancient times when patriarchal influence was so high that women never opened their mouths and silently followed what was told to them. Today, with changing times, globalization, information explosion and rising literacy levels, women have become more knowledgeable and have started questioning old customs and traditions that were imposed on them by their families and societies and created by some alien bodies they had never seen. Today, women know their rights, they work and get paid for the work too, they do what they want to, eat what they feel like and wear what they find suitable for themselves, atleast the ones living in knowledge driven urban setups of the country I live in..where, still 73% of the women are living in ancient times...though, I must insist that scenario is fast changing even in rural parts of the country..

So, anyways, the point is that yes, to keep a relationship going between two head strong, educated and opinionated individuals, what is crucial is that each one understand the fact that they are humans and mistakes are possible and so mutual understanding and cooperation with each other to get through each others good and bad is important key to successful life together. I am no "queen-of-relationships" or "agony-aunt" here..My observation of people around me has made me come down to the theory that majority of the problems in relationships are a result of unexplainable expectations from each other, forgetting that to err is human..

And for that matter, marriage to me is right now forced idea. What do people in our families, our funny relatives, auntys and uncles mean by saying "Now is the time for you to get married beta!".. I mean, its my life and I will decide what time is it now..and honestly, I am 24 year old adult who if can travel all around the world alone, who if can work in rural parts of the country bringing about small changes in situations of women, who if can do a PhD, can decide when and to whom she wants to marry. And till the time that happens, i.e. decides what she wants out of a partner, how he should be and whats the right time to start a family, she should not be told "Beta, whats wrong?? You dont wanna get married?? Age is not going to be on your side then if any further delay happens.." Uncle ji, who has seen the future? noone and so, please dont tell me what my life will be just by the heavy baggage of experience you carry with you, half of which is what you wanted to see and not what the truth was..

I have a lovely set of parents..they have apart from the fact that they had three daughters and no son and were reminded of this fact many times by the society..given me a kind of education I am proud of.. everything that I ever wanted, every place I wanted to go..I was given a yes..definitely if the demands were realistic to be accepted.. and that, is what I adore about my life..I mean..I am in the middle..not too restricted or too liberal..and that has shaped my thinking in a very pro-me yet pro-family manner. That however is one the reasons I believe I am going through a lot of confusion in this stage where I dont know what to choose between my own self and my family wishes.. maybe a good amalgamation will help..with respect to marriage..

So.. my views on marriage and relationships are pretty simple. I remember what I had asked my "Women and Gender Studies" teacher in my second year of graduation.."Is it important to marry?"..to which she had replied.."No it is not.. and Yes you should marry for companionship..but remember, marry when you feel its the right time and right person..marry when you want to.." I think relationships and marriage should happen when we feel its right time and trust me when its right, you know it. And its not that we might not end up getting hurt or going through a broken relationship..we can..afterall..rights and wrongs are not forever, they change and so the chances of having a good or bad relationship totally depend on two factors: 1. On US..if we wanna make it happen and 2. on destiny, the small part of me still believes that the supreme power always plans things for us..in a better way then we can.. And these two factors have to go side by side..It has to be a 50-50% of each..for success to happen here, 100% of both is required and while the one 50% isnt in our hands, we should make an effort to make the 50% in our hands work strong...but to err is human and we are mere human souls..mistakes and follies are possible and so..should be forgiven sometimes..

So..till the time I feel I can see the right soulmate in the person..with his wrongs and rights..with mistakes and good points..dear Uncle and Auntys of the world, I humanly ignore what you say to me and my parents day and night about my prospects on marriage.. thank you for the concern and its much appreciated but as excess of anything is harmful, so is the excess of your concern. Work on your life, give me peace... I respect you guys for the concern and please keep it minimal in order to keep the respect intact.. for me, my parents are important and they matter as much as my own feelings.. and I will make this relationship with my parents work by mutual understanding with them given the fact that you dont put your nose in it..

I will marry or get in a relationship but right now I am single..and i like it this way.. and I wont get into a relationship just because you say I should..I am not waiting around for a man to save me..because I am happy where I am..and this doesnt mean I will or wont..I am just free to make up my mind!! I am the new Indian Girl..Deal with it!