Mentally Virgin

Recently, while having a discussion with a friend, I suddenly came up with a theory on "what kind of girls men want to marry"??.. Interestingly this concept was in my mind since a long time but what makes me write it down  is the fact that I have tested my hypothesis on a statistically significant number of men of varying age groups, married or unmarried.

Being a researcher, I have this funny habit of finding probability of everything that happens around me in a statistically significant manner. I mean, in simple terms I want to know how possible it is that a particular ideology or characteristic or behavior or act will be repeated by many in similar situations. Lets explain with an example...that help in explaining the theory..

I have a friend circle (of men/boys) who offer me an understanding of a variety of experiences. As I discuss with them their life goals and aspirations, marriage often comes in picture. What is but natural for me is to end up discussing with them "What is the image of the person they want to marry?" (Not in a candid love struck manner but in a more mature and realistic manner)..Interestingly, the lot of my friends is so varied that I have MBA's, IPS, Engineers, Doctors and what not to share with me their image of the right girl they wanna end up with. As a curious social researcher, a somewhat feminist, I dont find anything odd in my questioning this aspect though people might find it bit of irritating..So.. what started as a candid topic with one of the friends a year or more ago has ended up becoming a theory.. theory which I have aptly named as "The Theory of The Mentally Virgin"..

Most men (those studied) were of the belief that while as girl friends they dont mind dating outgoing and outspoken girls, the probability of them marrying a more subtle and introvert girl is high. By that, I dont mean that I believe in the popular belief they want to marry virgins (which is also a truth), but what here they want is that they should get married to someone who is mentally a virgin, untouched by the information world, unaware of her rights (RIGHTS) and wrongs and ready to say YES and NO as he wants..One of my discussions with my friend who is turning an IPS officer went like this:

Me: So..you are thinking of getting married anytime soon?
HIM: Oh yeah..will think once I get placed..
Me: Find someone their at the academy itself..
HIM: Nah.. I don't wanna marry a similar background person.. I think a teacher or someone would be better..
Me: Really?? (Aghast as he is turning an IPS officer soon).. I mean whats wrong with an outgoing and career oriented girl..
HIM: Just that it wont suit me..my career

As you find this discussion subtle..I retested this with many other friends..engineers, CAs, etc etc.. and the point was same.. Oh no! The girl shouldn't be over exposed with ideologies and concepts.. How exciting she may look as an extrovert person, it would be tough when you get along as ego clashes will be normal..So..though on one side I am not generalizing this..But I have come down to the belief that Indian men, no matter how open and extrovert they are, no matter how much they agree with women rights, they don't want a woman who exercises the same ideology with and on them.. They might adore you (You being extrovert, ambitious, career oriented and ideologically strong minded) as a friend, as a buddy.. when it comes to finding a partner, all of them want a family oriented girl.. (Bah! As if You as described cannot be family oriented at the same time).. In Short, they need someone who hasn't been affected by the information explosion that the world has undergone.. who though is aware of stuff but is on the neutral way to life, wanting what is right, right being decided by him before her!

And if you think I am exaggerating, re-test this theory with people around you with men who are strong, have opinions and who are planning to settle down early (Please keep in mind these characteristics while selecting your sample). I am a strong minded girl, career being important for me as my family is.. and this theory isn't a product of my exploration for finding a groom.. its a product of my analysis as a social behavior researcher who likes understanding the unusual and hypocritical behavior that our society beings show..

For those who dont agree with it, please feel free to disagree as I am a naive being still exploring this complex society where I was born..I believe we cannot generalize human behaviors and so.. this theory is purely my experience with men/boys around me and around my friends..

Cheers!

(Thanks to a friend with whom this random candid discussion led to the "Mentally Untouched" term being born!...)

I hate you like I love you!

As I drive to work on the roads so jam packed with hundreds of cars, buses and other vehicles I hear the song "D..D..D...Dilli..Dilli..Dilli..Dilli..Dillliiiii" from the movie "No one killed Jessica" playing on high volume in my car. Though its music makes one feel all pepped up and jump up kinds, the slow traffic makes me wonder how much I am crazy about living in this city.. or am I not? The fact is that maybe I am just too habitual of living in Delhi, the capital of India.

Currently 24, one can say I have spent most (99.9%) of my life living in the city of Delhi. A "Born and Brought up Dilli ki Mundi" is how I call myself and honestly I like the tag. But, to come to think of the reasons as to why I have lived in and loved Delhi, they aren't many. Honestly, being born in a business family with all ancestors in Delhi, I never had much of choice but to live here. Even today I find myself thinking deep as to why I love Delhi so much despite the fact that I have traveled so many places but haven't lived per-say anywhere except Delhi..

The other day, as I sat on the terrace of my house with bird chirping around and honking cars, I jotted down the pros and cons of being a Delhi-ite (in my mind).. I love the fact that I was born and brought up in the Capital city of country where every-bloody-thing you think of is so accessible. It lies in the heart of the land of India with people all over the country dying to come to either work, for leisure or study. Living in Delhi has made me an independent yet grounded person. There are specifics we have like "Juggad" which every person in Delhi understands very well.. No matter what religion, language, color or creed, if you have lived in Delhi you have used "Juggad" at some or the other point for your own good. Another thing I adore is the open space..you have so many places where you can experience different kinds of adventures..Eat & Shop is in blood for a Delhi-ite..and so is bargain & short-cuts.. I enjoy every bit of the city..lifestyle, fashion, ethnicity, culture, monuments, architecture, history, food, roads,...nearly everything!

Ahh...So..Do I love Delhi a lot? Am I a person who if taken out from the city will die out in pain just like the so many friends of myn living & working in different parts of the country & world? Will I also become one of those who write their facebook status as "God I miss Delhi" once a while? Wil I also post pictures of my days in Delhi and make a sad smiley stating how much I loved living in Delhi??? Honestly, the story is incomplete until I write down the cons!

As a young woman in Delhi, I have always felt unsafe moving out. Being independent in Delhi comes with a payment we make in terms of security & safety. As I travel around the country and the world, I have seen a funny side of my parents... They wont mind me out of hotel in Singapore late at night even if I am alone but will mind me not coming back at 8pm in Delhi, even when I am with my friends. I dont blame them.. afterall, we all know how many crimes against women take place in the city.. Its the most unsafe city of the country, being the capital town..and I feel ashamed of this fact! Apart from this, I think corrupt people all around trying to make money all the time make me realize that somewhere down the line, its impacting me as an individual unknowingly. I realize that as a Delhi ki Ladki, I too sometimes try to find ways out to get to certain points instead of following the general trend or route. And this side of me, makes me feel even worse about my life in Delhi..From the auto-wala to police-wala. from the thele-wala to a mall shop we find corrupt and unethical people all around trying to earn money in all wrong ways.. and this irritates me because in my struggle to find a way out, I end up becoming one of them..sometimes atleast. We have high pollution, ever rising population, huge traffic lines, irritated lives.. We are a city of unsafe, unknown troubles that can knock at our doors anytime. And, the irony is you dare not speak up because in this city we have criminals as the actual power-players.. You take panga and my god you land yourself in trouble..big trouble!

So do I hate Delhi? Do I dislike this part so much that the goodness of Delhi doesnt make much sense?? Honestly, the answer is unknown. The aura, magical aura that lies in the lanes of the city, nomatter how unsafe those lanes are..make me awww in for Delhi.. Its like that marijuana addiction which is harmful yet amazing..gives one a high.. Like they say.. U can take a Delhi-ite out of Delhi but you cant take Delhi out of a Delhi-ite! Such is the case with me.. because noomatter where I am..nomatter how much I crave to get out of the city every other week..nomatter how much I hate the fact that its so huge, takes time to travel around..I know..whereever I am..I am a Delhi ki Kudi..at heart & mind and in soul..

I will end by just saying a few lines I like in a song that makes me remind of Delhi whenever I am traveling outside Delhi.. "Mai Jahan rahoon..Mai kahin bhi hoon.. Teri yaad saath hai...Kisi se kahun, ya nahi kahun..ye jo dil ki baat hai.."

Delhi after all is masti hai mastano ki..gali hai deewanon ki Dilli..Thats why..I say.. I hate it like I love it!

(Special thanks to my friends settled outside Delhi- India or abroad always crying their heart out for their Love for the city..Guys! If you miss it so much, come back ..or you too suffer from what I call a Love-Hate relationship??)