"The Delhi Girl" Syndrome (Part 1)

Question: “Hey, where are you from?”

While I have been asked this question many a times at many places by a variety of people in a variety of manner, I am always quiet surprised by the kind of reaction my answer gets. There is something about Indians trying to know where the other person is from. And my answer to this question being “DELHI”, you should not be surprised, gets the most amazing and weirdest reactions.

The first time I experienced this in person was in 2009. Well, I had experienced it many a times before as well, but this was when I faced the reaction in person. Generally the situation in which this question had been popped on me was where my interaction with the person was only for a few minutes, typical places being airports, resorts, and railway stations etc. But in 2009 as I went on my first ever stay out of Delhi alone, I experienced and lived the tag of being a “Delhi Girl” for three whole months.

In the city of Patna when the people I was about to live my life with as a paying guest for next 3 months gave me a LOOK on my reply, I got the first shock of my life. I was 21 years old. And this being my first ever living outside Delhi (yes yes, I am born and brought up in Delhi) came as a shock to me. There was a sudden change in attitude towards me and everyone around was attempting to make me realize how much cooler they are. I was very confused. For start, I didn’t see any difference between me and them at all. Also, the confusion hailed from the fact that I failed to understand the logic of being from Delhi, and that too a “Delhi Girl” made me any different from the other team mate I had (except for the fact, she was from America, and a Korean by origin).

And there I was at 21 struggling with what difference does it make if I am from Delhi and here I am 26 writing this story from a small town in Himachal Pradesh still struggling with “Oh! You are a Delhi Girl” attitude. Nothing has changed in this regard while I have experienced the same reactions, even worse at various places. I am still confused and I still fail to understand what I should do about it.

Over the past 5 years, I have traveled. From Patna, to Singapore, to Ohio to Texas, Seattle, Orissa, Kolkata, Gujarat, Haryana, New York… cities and towns, villages and even smaller settlements. And my interactions with people in these places and their reactions to my being a “Delhi Girl” can be categorized in the following two kinds:

•        The Haters: I call the people in this category as the ones who look at Delhi with the eyes of envy. Typically educated and informed, they either want to be a part of Delhi or they simply cant understand why their cities cant be any cooler. I mean, I love Delhi, yes! But I think that does not negate the fact that every city has its own charm. But, coming back to these people. A lot of them are my friends by the way now. But they describe to me a very different version of how I see myself.  For them a girl from Delhi is a brat who not only over-shows how she is way cooler and knows everything but also has a sense of superiority, which lacks any knowledge. Basically, a girl who has no brains but thinks she has it all.  The situation is so worse at times that as soon as people hear me being from Delhi, they stop recognizing anything I do as authentic and having any substance. There is a sense of discomfort along with becoming blind and deaf to anything I do and being from Development sector, I find myself in worst situation. My personal experiences have made me hear things like these: “Oh, you are from Delhi, we should keep a distance”, “oh, Delhi..hmm..ok” “ohhhh, Delhi? Hahh” While gestures and actions speak louder then words, sometimes the words are strong enough to leave no stone unturned for me to get into an uncomfortable situation. 

•      The Lovers: These are those people who adore anybody who comes from Delhi. They welcome anyone with open arms after knowing they are from Delhi and always try to show how they are somewhere linked to Delhi. “Oh, my uncle’s aunt’s son’s daughter is living in Delhi (in reality: Gurgaon)”, “I have been to Delhi..(like some 8-10 years ago) etc.. and While they are surely adorable set of people, they also try to tell you how cooler they are. Sometimes, I have ended up getting marriage offers from this category people (they want someway get connected to Delhi).

I am personally, amused by both Lovers and Haters but it is the Haters who are more difficult to mold themselves and break the image they have of Delhi. They have developed a stereotype based on one or two girls from Delhi they have met in person (who, by the way are not even originally from Delhi but have studied in Delhi or something).. To be brutally honest, I have seen majority of girls around me also falling in this category and I realize that the image these people have build of girls from Delhi isn’t wrong totally. Stereotypes after all are built by experiences and they obviously have had their encounters with the typical Delhi girls (I hate that term, though, but still). Well, I struggle at times but the walls that are built around me based on my city make it difficult for me to function in my work life. It is a challenge I face every single time I am out of Delhi, in Orissa or even in Boston (I have an amazing Boston story to tell, but that for later).

I am breaking stereotypes and I like it. I am a Delhi girl but I am moldable, I am flexible in the kind of lifestyle I live and I owe my education and my upbringing at home for this. I also feel that a lot of girls from Delhi are like me but we are overshadowed by the ones who carry a good for nothing attitude. (I am not trying to demean anyone but this is the truth!!)

Success in changing attitude of people has been huge. I have made some great friends who have realized I am not even an inch of the image they carry in their heads and some of them love me for doing that. On the other hand, I thank them for opening my eyes to a whole new world of “how people see Delhi girls” and even “how I see Delhi girls”.. Yes, at times, they are dumb but in this era of movement and swiftness, we shouldn’t tag anyone based on the city they live in.

(Cheers to breaking stereotypes! I am in process of researching this whole issue and definitely, there are many angles to it.. Read later for more)

Loose roots or loose your roots

The old Banyan tree that stands on the corner of the road,

Tells me a story wise and untold.

The smell in the air and the soil on the ground seem familiar to me,

I feel glad standing there, I feel I can breathe, I feel free..

As I walk through the sides of the old village road,

The tree is intrigued to see my different expressions unfold.

On one side of the road leading to the village is a small house,

There sits a man, with his radio on and eyes shut,

His wife, the woman, mops the floor, cooks the food fast as a mouse,

That’s not a new story, a story of every home, house, hut.

But what amazes me is the other side,

With a big building some six floors tall and painted new

It’s a different world I see on a different kind of ride,

With women still the same, its too old yet different a view.

The big house is done, yet we are the same,

Clothes change, values don’t, rigid we are even if we get a new name.

I stand beside the years old tree and question myself how and why,

It’s mindboggling, with no answer even when too hard I try.

I realize as I touch the long stems turned roots of the tree,

Are we moving too fast or should we call it getting free.

A friend told me once that old values are rigid and they bind,

They delay progress acting as hurdles towards our goals.

I see them intact, I cant see the change how hard I try to find,

What has changed is the cover, when we wanted a change of roles.

People want multistory, they want big cars and assets all,

But the sad part remains, as life issues still crawl.

Women still run like the mice, they still are unsure

Is getting assets, TV and fridge the only cure?

Why are we loosing our community roots and turning towards cities,

The thought makes me panic, instead of creating any ease.

Who decides what values to keep and what assets to value more?

Who decides what will work, will sustain and who keeps the score?

Some say change is good, I agree

But what if change makes us more bound than making us free.

I see the tree and I wonder deep again,

Are these roots a symbol for strength and being on the ground?

Are we heading towards any gain or in for much more pain?

Are we on the right track or is it the destination we have found?

My mind flutters, the tree tries to ease me down,

“You think too much”, it says as I am about to frown.

The journey has just started and its heading towards a goal,

Everything will find a direction and yes, you will find your soul.

I look inside my heart, rootless and raw,

I feel a pain shoot up, its as if my two sides I just saw

One side of me that wants to still be on the ground,

The other side which is there is hollow yet flies around.

My mind and heart debate starts again as I try to question my life,

Black and white, good and bad, who decides which is the right side.

I close my eyes and let the sounds around fade away in air,

I feel soulless and its not fair.

But then, am just a bud waiting to spread my petals around,

My identity isn’t lost, its still yet to be found.

With questions in my mind and a heart filled with hope,

I begin my journey towards my work, I walk down with a smile down the slope!