Are you undergoing PMS?

One of the irony of my life has been that studying in a all girls college in Delhi University for my under grads, grads and now my PhD makes people believe that I am a feminist. The difficulty is that people didn't see that I was one before I entered college and that coming in this college made me more sober in terms of my feminism. In my second years when I was studying a course in Women Studies and Concerns, I realized that Feminism wont help this nation achieve anything in terms of women's rights. If Gender equality has to be achieved, what this nation needs is more of a gender-ed approach rather than pro-women!

Well, why am I telling you these things? The story goes like this.. Over the past few years, months and weeks I have come across some very funny people who love tagging any irrational (for them) behaviour that a woman shows as her biological imbalance phase. To speak of it openly, PMS is a national debate now. Pre-Menstrual Syndrome (PMS) as we all have believed over the years has affected many women in various ways. Its just that a week before her menstrual cycle ends, she undergoes strong emotional changes, becomes cranky and if old traditional books are to be believed, turns into a witch!! (REALLY??)

I think, our cultures have been all over the world propagating this idea since centuries and after science proved that hormonal changes do impact her, it has been a label that has many women even more cranky. I for instance, have over the years believed that I not only undergo Pre syndrome but also Post! And even as many men out there haven't told me or questioned me if I am undergoing PMS, I know that has been in their minds as they saw me being angry or irritated. I, now believe its more of a psychological things rather than hormonal. This conclusion of myn comes from the fact that I have spent many so-called- PMS-weeks without any emotional drama attached to them!

Lately, while reading a novel called "Can Love Happen Twice", I came across a similar instance where the author describes this phase of his girl friend's life in a very interesting yet comical manner. Initially for me it was really funny but then a thought came across my mind. While he described it to be a phase where every boyfriend turns more of a pet (if he really loves her! HAHA).. where he needs safety measures of she will go crazy and things will mess up.. I understood the interesting thing that goes inside the male mind as they tend to ignore what a woman feels or says or rationally explains too in this phase by tagging a week of her month as some stupid PMS time..Do you really think that all a woman or girl speaks or does during this phase, is irrational???

A sudden thinking process in the evening of my funny little brain brought out a new definition of PMS to me.. I have after few hours and days of thinking and analyzing male behavior patterns come down to the conclusion that HELLO!! Its not just we who suffer from PMS, you do too... for men, as I should define, this PMS can be elaborated as Permanent Masculinity Syndrome! While we women at one side turn cranky and irrational just one week a month (as described by men and stupid biology scientists), men on the other side suffer from loads of ego that is an impact of them realizing their masculinity! In India, PMS (for men) is even more stronger. And I am not kidding as am sure many women will agree with my theory! You find men getting irritated if don't do what they want you to do, if you explain your diversions from typically tagged women-behavior, if you rebel and if you divert from any society-termed-appropriate behavior.

Well well.. In today's scenario, most women rebel, most women divert from typical behavior patterns and say NO to what they want their approval on. In such a situation, men get cranky, irritated, irrational (for us) and become (if my theory is to be agreed on) a monster!! So.. if you agree with the theory, have men around in whom you do see this behavior (not once a month but anytime, anywhere, anyhow).. then the next time a man asks you "Are you undergoing PMS?", just answer with a smile, and nod that "Yes, I am... and so are you..while myn will be fine in few days, you my friend are in trouble coz your PMS is for lifetime..may you recover soon!"

(If my friends are to be believed I am a feminist..but if you agree that we need gender equal tagging as well.. you agree with me..and you agree that I am a simple human being who wants men and women to have equal status.. if we are witches once a month, you are a monster whole of your life honey!... )

Sometimes in life we have to stand up..

How far have to ever gone to make people realize that they are wrong in saying what they just said and that you are not going to take any shyt from them anymore?? What was the reaction of people around you? Am sure, if you are in a professional world, most of the times you would have been left isolated..Well..that's because you live in a world where very few people actually stand up and say what they believe in firmly.. reality as we all know is soo hard to digest..

I am so many times surrounded by people who belong to the majority category of "Oh-this-should-not-be-said-otherwise-u-know-what-will-happen".. I am as new to this world as a 2 year old is to school.. for me its totally unexplainable..I mean it was funny to me initially to see how even highly opinionated people stood in front of their bosses as numb about their opinions and feelings as they can be just to save their ass from being sacked or thrashed.. slowly it became frustrating as I saw that the number of such people getting bigger day by day, hour by hour.. Herein, I have today come down to the conclusion that there is no point getting frustrated over this.. Its not a battle worth fighting for.. Its all how it will be.. or maybe there is still this little hope in me and faith in future that makes me believe that the world (professional) will be a better place to work in someday..

But the key is that we dont loose ourselves in this whole "i-am-the-only-true-weirdo" battle.. Its the reverse of one stale apple in a bag full of fresh ones.. And actually its more difficult and happens more faster where in the influence of such people around is so huge that one doesn't even realise when they turn like them.. a moron to be precise..

But sometimes..I feel its important to step up and say what we feel.. Some recent past happenings have made me realise that its highly crucial to speak up.. even when people around you feel that you are being brash or they have this"oh-how-can-u" look on their faces when you actually speak up.. It releases you from this bag full of shyt that you have been taking from people around you..the art however is to make this process happen in the most smooth and stylized manner possible..

Sugarcoating is an art which I believe people like me lack the most.. and so, till the day I learn sugarcoating..am happy being brash and standing up for what I believe is right or wrong.. Well..hope that did make some sense!

Will you marry me?

Well.. Indian wedding and marriage world is one hell of a rollar coaster ride.. honestly.. its a hush hush scenario till a groom-bride is finalized and one hell of a blah-blah syndrome once the wedding is fixed..Its a business.. a religious cultural social and for me hysterical business!! "I am an Indian Girl".. I mean doesnt that say it all?? It does!! It totally does.. being born in a Hindu Upper Middle Class Brahmin Family, and that too as a girl..one should expect me to be this "Let-my-parents-decide" stuff for me kinds.. and trust me, in the wedding scenario it kind of is..with a bit of tweeks here and there..

Its a man's world..I am a feminist born in a stereotypical pro man family.. and in my 24 years journey in my ancestral family I have tried my best to change a lot of the things ingrained in the roots of our hindu brahmin culture..a few of which I have changed too, of which I am proud about.. atleast the fact that noone in my whole huge paternal and maternal family ever speaks ill of womanhood and being a girl in front of me is a huge achievement I am so proud of...so proud of that I wish I could write it up in my professional CV :)

But..the irony is that when it comes to marriage I find myself lost in this chaotic world around me.. My feelings for relationships are as weird as my concept about marriage.. its not that I dont wanna marry.. I surely wanna marry someday, but what makes marriage so difficult for me is my observation of both arranged as well as love marriages around me..The world is changing, more and more people are getting open with the concept of intercaste marriage..but as that is happening, its interesting to see that the number of divorce rates and unhappy married people is also going up.. I am a researcher, a PhD scholar.. and my questioning skills aren't restricted to my profession.. I question everything around me and the sanctity of wedlock and marriage is something I question everyday, given the fact I am in the "so-called-marriageable" age!! phew!!

I believe, atleast for a start, that relationships should be simple and they are till the time the human beings involved are making an attempt to keep it simple. I mean you haveto make an effort to stay together given the fact that today the scenario is very different from ancient times when patriarchal influence was so high that women never opened their mouths and silently followed what was told to them. Today, with changing times, globalization, information explosion and rising literacy levels, women have become more knowledgeable and have started questioning old customs and traditions that were imposed on them by their families and societies and created by some alien bodies they had never seen. Today, women know their rights, they work and get paid for the work too, they do what they want to, eat what they feel like and wear what they find suitable for themselves, atleast the ones living in knowledge driven urban setups of the country I live in..where, still 73% of the women are living in ancient times...though, I must insist that scenario is fast changing even in rural parts of the country..

So, anyways, the point is that yes, to keep a relationship going between two head strong, educated and opinionated individuals, what is crucial is that each one understand the fact that they are humans and mistakes are possible and so mutual understanding and cooperation with each other to get through each others good and bad is important key to successful life together. I am no "queen-of-relationships" or "agony-aunt" here..My observation of people around me has made me come down to the theory that majority of the problems in relationships are a result of unexplainable expectations from each other, forgetting that to err is human..

And for that matter, marriage to me is right now forced idea. What do people in our families, our funny relatives, auntys and uncles mean by saying "Now is the time for you to get married beta!".. I mean, its my life and I will decide what time is it now..and honestly, I am 24 year old adult who if can travel all around the world alone, who if can work in rural parts of the country bringing about small changes in situations of women, who if can do a PhD, can decide when and to whom she wants to marry. And till the time that happens, i.e. decides what she wants out of a partner, how he should be and whats the right time to start a family, she should not be told "Beta, whats wrong?? You dont wanna get married?? Age is not going to be on your side then if any further delay happens.." Uncle ji, who has seen the future? noone and so, please dont tell me what my life will be just by the heavy baggage of experience you carry with you, half of which is what you wanted to see and not what the truth was..

I have a lovely set of parents..they have apart from the fact that they had three daughters and no son and were reminded of this fact many times by the society..given me a kind of education I am proud of.. everything that I ever wanted, every place I wanted to go..I was given a yes..definitely if the demands were realistic to be accepted.. and that, is what I adore about my life..I mean..I am in the middle..not too restricted or too liberal..and that has shaped my thinking in a very pro-me yet pro-family manner. That however is one the reasons I believe I am going through a lot of confusion in this stage where I dont know what to choose between my own self and my family wishes.. maybe a good amalgamation will help..with respect to marriage..

So.. my views on marriage and relationships are pretty simple. I remember what I had asked my "Women and Gender Studies" teacher in my second year of graduation.."Is it important to marry?"..to which she had replied.."No it is not.. and Yes you should marry for companionship..but remember, marry when you feel its the right time and right person..marry when you want to.." I think relationships and marriage should happen when we feel its right time and trust me when its right, you know it. And its not that we might not end up getting hurt or going through a broken relationship..we can..afterall..rights and wrongs are not forever, they change and so the chances of having a good or bad relationship totally depend on two factors: 1. On US..if we wanna make it happen and 2. on destiny, the small part of me still believes that the supreme power always plans things for us..in a better way then we can.. And these two factors have to go side by side..It has to be a 50-50% of each..for success to happen here, 100% of both is required and while the one 50% isnt in our hands, we should make an effort to make the 50% in our hands work strong...but to err is human and we are mere human souls..mistakes and follies are possible and so..should be forgiven sometimes..

So..till the time I feel I can see the right soulmate in the person..with his wrongs and rights..with mistakes and good points..dear Uncle and Auntys of the world, I humanly ignore what you say to me and my parents day and night about my prospects on marriage.. thank you for the concern and its much appreciated but as excess of anything is harmful, so is the excess of your concern. Work on your life, give me peace... I respect you guys for the concern and please keep it minimal in order to keep the respect intact.. for me, my parents are important and they matter as much as my own feelings.. and I will make this relationship with my parents work by mutual understanding with them given the fact that you dont put your nose in it..

I will marry or get in a relationship but right now I am single..and i like it this way.. and I wont get into a relationship just because you say I should..I am not waiting around for a man to save me..because I am happy where I am..and this doesnt mean I will or wont..I am just free to make up my mind!! I am the new Indian Girl..Deal with it!

Ahoy! Ahan! Oh Yeah!

You just know things are going crazy when you sit around silent inside and everything around seems going round and round. Definitely not doped or drunk, but the reality is that either you are entering or have entered that stage of your life when everything is confusing, so-not-simple, messy and boggling.. when everyone around looks like one mad human saying some random shyt you either don't understand or maybe you just don't wanna give it a thought..presently am in that stage..

A girl, oops woman.. going to turn 25 soon.. I almost find myself randomly thinking about the same things everyday..with new twists and turns.. having had three blogs earlier with pseudo names and random politically correct stuff posted on it, I am today..ready to speak my heart out, type my mind down and hold my head high and punch reality in your face! Ahoy! In your face!!

So.. dunno where I was..but here I am!