tea & beer

too far
in the mind
a tea cup
and a beer undefined

sunshine and sea waves
spectacles and books
finding space
logic unhooks

momentary lapse
off the wisdom goes
a rollar coaster swirls
as the wind blows

queries pop up
and redness surrounds
will it be a memoir
or just a short story profound

- Diary of an Oxymoron

Hey Girl

Hey Girl
What seems the case with your eyes
Is that black, a color of your unwiped kohl
Or a hangover from the last night

It could be a color of your pain
Or that of your skin
So undefined it seems to me
So blind

Hey Girl
Did he hit you again?
Or his lingering thoughts
Of the past
Didnt leave your mind

It could be a color of the night sky
Trapped in ur sleepless eyes
Or the color of sleeplessness itself
Of the overworked kind

Hey Girl
Are you crying again these times?
Or you didnt stop at all from that day
Memories of the past
Ghosts of the future undefined

It could be the pain that numbed you
Or the emptyness that defines you at times
Hollow do you feel
Or does it burst ur mind

Hey Girl
I look at you
And look at my mind
For we all are one
In a million similar stories of women personified

It could be that i am making it all up
Or reading it beyond the visible lines
Of expression,
Of those snubbed truths around
This careless world living beside

Hey Girl
What seems the case with your eyes
Is that black color a depth of the universe
Or that black hole of the ache
Of the you, the me, combined.

- Diary of an Oxymoron 

How My School Taught Me To Be A Girl

Gender stereotypes that go on to define individuals start right in school, and must be questioned, says this deeply thoughtful post.

“pull up your socks, wear a longer skirt”

“don’t be so loud, don’t sound too bossy”

“wear a white hairband and oil your hair well”

“cross your legs. (you stupid girl), cross your legs”

“how dare you apply a deodorant again? You are such a stubborn brat”

_________

I went to a very good school in Delhi. And I start here by not being mistaken as one who ridicules the education she got from there. What my school also gave me are memories – of how my being a girl was reinforced day after day by the way I should conduct myself, the activities I should do, the groups I should join and most importantly, the way I should behave and dress.

Since the very beginning, I used to wonder why oiling my hair and putting a white hair band was a more important issue than me coming to school. I mean, common, we all know that there is no scientific proof to showcase how great a student who regularly oils her hair, has pigtails, and socks up till knees, is. But I saw everyday how often our female teachers ridiculed the girls who challenged any of these rules. I have strong images of the events that took place during school days in my head.

Once, I was called out by my teacher after a regular period in the class and yelled at for not sitting with my legs crossed. I was told how I was being a bad girl, inviting boys to lurk on me. I was not just yelled at, but thereafter was always looked upon with suspicious eyes. As a young girl in standard 7, it confused me how my sitting down unknowingly with legs open was a reason for my teacher to judge me as a person.

In another year, I was the class monitor. And often, told to indulge in the things I didn’t like but my class teacher did. One not-so-fine day, she was out there measuring the length of the skirts every girl wore in the class. And with a compass in her hand, opening the seam of the skirts from the bottom, if found not adhering the school/class norms.

I was asked to get hold of my classmate’s arms while my teacher openly un-sewed the seam of her skirt from the bottom in front of a class of 50 students. Scared of being punished, I did as I was told. Ashamed of how it all happened, I still sit down and wonder how the length of skirt, and public humiliation, was a symbol of discipline. How my female teacher never taught the boys to not stare at our legs but told us to hide our skin. How this all was a way of making us better adults.

Meanwhile, as years passed by, I questioned marks as much as I questioned the ways the system worked in the school. Over the years, I saw our teachers giving sore eyes to the girls who were seen talking a lot to the boys. Those who were too outspoken were shunned as rude and undisciplined. I never was a very brilliant, high-scoring student. I never knew why my mathematics teacher always found a way to shun the girls in front of the ‘talented’ mathematics genius boys our school was full of.

She  would often tell my mother how I would never make anything meaningful out of my life because I scored less in mathematics. Never appreciated for the other subjects I was good at. Acceptance in my school for being what you are was always low. A lot of the teachers appreciated the brilliant “rote-heads” who puked everything they were taught verbatim on their exam answer sheets.

A lot many times I sat there wondering why my class teacher would often tell me to be little less outspoken and little more committed to learning. Learning which meant less creativity, innovation, and passion. She never understood that to me, mathematics never gave any excitement.

In my last year at school, I became the head girl – the one responsibility that was only given to the top scoring girls in the school. Leadership, after all, was only linked to those who were either teachers’ favorites or scored high. I never understood why and how this happened but I do remember the smile on that one teacher from my school who always pushed me to pursue my dreams, cherishing my creativity.

When I stood there on the stage, our school principal proudly putting my Head Girl badge on my shirt told me, “You better study well. This badge does not mean you don’t study”. That last year at school I was told again and again, silently and loudly, in front of many, that I was rude, stubborn, with attitude, and bossy – because I had a responsibility to carry. Marks never excited me. They made me sad, because for me, they were how my surroundings defined failures and success.

When I completed my school, I got admission into one of the best colleges in the city. Happy to share this information with my teachers, when I went back, I was told how unlucky and average I was because I didn’t get admitted to any engineering or medical schools like the boys of my class did. “This course is futile for you”, said the mathematics teacher. I smiled, because I realized I was out of this cycle of constantly being reminded that being a girl meant being less.

Along with carrying out cherished memories from the school days, I carried a burden of gender stereotyping. It was not that every girl conformed to the socially acceptable roles that the school defined for them. But the way they were either accepted or rejected created a lot of confusion and imbalance in the minds of many who wished to differ from the norms.

Sex education was never given. Neither were we given any counselling during our adolescent days. Those girls, who talked about it, became the talk of the school. Instead of talking about equality and respect, we were taught to keep our instincts off in the name of conduct. Those girls who had short haircuts were taken to be like boys.

A lot of the reports have suggested that children learn gender from being constant subjects of society’s expectations. I don’t think that putting pressure on children to conform to the traditional expected roles that society has made for them is what will make them better humans.

While the girls were given this, I am sure there were a hundred boys who wanted to cry but never did. Those who wanted to say they appreciated pink, but were ‘demeaned’ and ‘laughed on’ to be girly. ‘Boys will be boys’: we can never know what psychological impact this statement causes on the ego of the boy who turns into a man in few years.

Teaching a girl that shorts are for boys, cross-legs is for girls is not how she has to be taught about femininity. Similarly, teaching a boy that to be loud and sporty means to be masculine is equally wrong. Girls are pretty and quiet and boys are sporty and loud, does not make a good impact on the ‘power dynamics’ that we as children grow up with, into adults in this society.

I know times are changing. I know schools are changing. But I do feel that there is a majority of educational institutions that have conditioned girls and boys to grow up as they are in this present era, patriarchal victims and criminals. What is education? Shouldn’t it be more than mere learning from books and getting marks? Do we promote equality from the start? Gender equality?

I was lucky my college shaped a lot of my present being. But do we have such structures for the rest to re-condition this gender stereotyping they gain in homes and schools? Just food for thought!

This article was first published on womensweb 

Fighting Female Foeticide: Stories From A Typical Day At Work

The story below is a real life experience of the author during a session on female foeticide in a village in Haryana.

This is the first of  two stories: one from a day at work in a village, and another from her own life in a city, both revolving around female foeticide & preference for sons – making it clear that the issue has nothing to do with urban-rural settings.

“They will keep on asking me to reproduce till they get a son for the family.”

—x———-x———–

In 2005, during a project in my undergrad school, I did a secondary research project on the issue of Female Foeticide and Son Preference in India. In 2011-12, I was traveling from one village to another in Haryana, conducting sessions with men and women to create awareness, answer queries, and to try changing mindsets of the people on the issue of the girl child, female foeticide, and son preference.

In these years, I had worked with a few organizations on the issue, assisted my sister on her project relating to the same, done behavior change campaigns, and developed innovative communication tools for the same. Yet, I stood there,  facing the dilemma of why, how, and when. 

The Scenario

At the meeting to raise questions

During one of my visits, I traveled into a small village of one of the states with a terrible Male-Female Sex Ratio. I am comfortable interacting with a group of not more than 35-50 people. A small group like that is more interactive, can be handled much more easily, with a better flow of communication- especially on such crucial social issues.

When I reached the venue, I saw a crowd of 200 men and women sitting, divided by the aisle. On one side, sat the men with their turbans. On the other, were the women with their veils crossing their chin. Now this was a little complicated scenario for me. I knew that both categories of my participants appreciated this brutal form of killing and violation of the right to be born; favoring males as the carriers of traditions and family name.

 I knew that both categories of my participants appreciated this brutal form of killing and violation of the right to be born; favoring males as the carriers of traditions and family name.

The Root

The problem of patriarchy, son preference, and women being ignored has deep linkages with every cause I ever took up in the villages with respect to women’s rights and gender issues (violence, education, nutrition, dowry, child marriage etc). The problem was that not only men but even the women followed the so-called traditional methods, thereby creating more disparity.

The problem was also the lack of communication between the men and women, on any social issue. I learnt one thing from this: in order to solve any problem with respect to rights of Women (economic, social, or political ) we need to engage and bring on the same level both the genders of the communities – to discuss and understand.

The problem was also the lack of communication between the men and women, on any social issue.

So there I was, happy to realize that this was one of the most amazing opportunities I could ever have, to make the two interact. I knew the risks were huge. I could be shamed, accused, or worse – thrown out of the village for trying to break the age old systems of functioning and change  the lack of communication between the two genders. But, I realized it was worth the risk.

The Act

As I stood there, I realized that to get the best of reactions, it was important for me to startle my audience with something controversial. And I started with my story. The story of my ancestral home, where son preference was a very commonly accepted norm. I started sharing what I saw as a young daughter to how I became a woman. And as I did this, I threw in my series of snapshots and films I always worked with when interacting in the communities.

I stood there, with a microphone in my hand, amongst the crowd of men and women, asking them why, how, and when. The same questions that I had been carrying with me even after so many years of working on the issue.

Now I had known a few answers all this while. Who will light the pyre of the parents? A son is the gateway to Moksha! A daughter is a source of misery! Who will carry forward the family name and lineage? Who will feed the parents in their old age? Take care of the women?! Why go through dowry? Safety of women? Who will be the man?

The reason I stood there with those questions every time was because I knew I would end up getting a new set of answers, every single time.

The Reactions

One elderly woman turned to me and shouted out loud, saying that I have gone mad to think that its okay to not have a son. This is how she explained the cycle (translated from Haryanvi):

“The world needs men. If a son is born in the family, he takes care of the family, carries the name forward, helps earn money, and feed the members, is safe and does not need to be taken care of (body-wise). He gives dowry for the family’s daughters, takes care of the future rituals (chhuchhak, bhaat etc), protects the family lineage, gives more sons to the house, stays with the parents, lights the pyre and helps achieve moksha (salvation)…

What will we do if we do not have son to do all this? These days the younger generation is having fewer kids. We tell them to not get the foetus aborted, but what is the solution if they want a son? They have to get it cleaned before it turns older (abortion). And now tell me, why should we not promote female foeticide?”

“…And now tell me, why should we not promote female foeticide?”

An old man agreed to the above stated ‘facts’, but also explained how they never pushed the women to have only sons. Every woman agreed that they had gone through so much torture in their lives that having a son meant high social status in the family as she was the carrier.

Slowly, as the discussion garnered more comments and reactions, I saw a chattering crowd of men and women debating on why and why not. A lot of the women with daughters agreed with me, and a lot accused me of trying to change “how it has been”. I stood there smiling internally because I had initiated a major conversation that had been missing from the community, which had accepted female foeticide as the norm.

As I made them see the future of a land without women, a land with a high crime rate, a land where women handled every task that the old lady had mentioned, a lot of the protesters went silent. I had no clue how and what it was going to lead to (the session was a part of a project) but I was hopeful that I had initiated at least a thought which was missing from the majority of the crowd.

A picture of the future  is important. What happens if we keep on going like this? When people realize that it’s not healthy to go on like we are going, the fear increases and chances are many that it will change to a “something should be done” attitude. When a picture of “no women in next 5 years if you keep on killing girls” was shown, people started realizing the value of girls, daughters, wives, mothers.

The Cycle of Change

While a baby cannot be born just with an egg of the mother and needs the sperm of the father, similar is the case with rearing the child. I have seen that in rural areas in India, if a woman works, she takes part in the decision making of the house in the smallest and biggest matters, she has an opinion on the children’s future, and that opinion is heard and valued.

It is important for women in rural areas to realize that the need to change is now, and education is very important. Not just schooling but also awareness and capacity building – which can help develop the logical self, in defining and deciding what is right and what is wrong.

It is important for women in rural areas to realize that the need to change is now, and education is very important. Not just schooling but also awareness and capacity building.

It’s a researched fact that Education has led to understanding and realization of choices, which has further led to economic empowerment and sharing of responsibilities. We can say that the community heritage is a reason too, but education is a founding backbone of the process.

The implementation of policies along with training at the grassroots is crucial, too. Unless people see the reason why change is required strongly, people wont change. And for that to happen, in India atleast, a multi-pronged approach with both Behaviour Change Campaigns and policy level implementations is required.

The Behaviour Change Campaigns need to be community specific/state specific with exhaustive research (using methods like Positive Deviance) to be used to define Why and How and Whom (W’s) of the campaign with participation by the people, for the people. A simple campaign on the Community radios running in the villages can create a change in many homes.

Community Media, and Mass media need to collaborate on common guidelines-based messages that should percolate the homes through edutainment based methods (TV shows, radio programs), in a very subtle way in order to make it a casual process, avoiding rebellion by elders.

I believe and I think it is crucial that the idea should move beyond just saying and towards more doing.  We need strategic methods with constant evaluation in order to stay on track.

That day, at the end of the session, a young woman working with the police came to me. She explained her story as the other young girls hopped around. I saw hope, I saw challenges, I saw passion to make things work. I realized, I cannot give up on the society so easily. I also realized that things can be worked around, but the start has to be made now.

There are a few deviant stories around where girls have been born despite all challenges and have managed to turn into inspiring stories for other to learn from. The challenge is to find these stories and convert them into a norm instead of being an exception.

The cycle of oppression that women go through in their lifetime needs to change. I came back from the session, hopeful and positive for many more deviant stories for us all to learn from. This was not, after all, just another day at work.

This article was originally published at womens web. 

The Researcher’s Guide: 10 Ways To Do Better At Field Work

For any researcher in the public, private or social sector, these 10 ways to do better at field work can make a big difference to the quality of your data and insights.

“I have a thousand stories hidden under my shield to share, those told and those untold…”

“I sit here at the chulha, cook for hours, apart from doing the other household tasks”, she said in Hindi, as I penned down every word cautiously in my interview schedule. I had traveled across 3 villages that day, done 25 interviews, and three focus group discussions. I wanted a cup of tea. I wanted to sit down, as my body was giving up in the scorching heat.

The lady from the neighbouring home dragged me to her house for  tea. I sat down with her near the chulha, looking around, sipping my tea, as the many children jumped in and around to get a glimpse of me. I felt like a celebrity even in my most rural-dressed avatar. I realised that even though I took care of dressing and language, I was still a stranger, an alien to them.

I realised that even though I took care of dressing and language, I was still somewhere a stranger, an alien for them.

As I walked down the narrow lane of the village to get to the motorcycle we had been using for traveling around, I couldn’t easily ignore the looks I was getting from the village people. Every look smiled at me, a smile hard to not smile back at. The sweat was getting to me as I draped my dupatta around my head and walked through the dusty, broken streets, with kids running after me. I loved it but my body was giving up. I grabbed a cookie from my bag and piled up my sugar count just to keep the body functional. There I was, doing what excited me the most in my Ph.D – my fieldwork.

It has been more than 7 years of my life since I have been hopping on to different lands, talking and listening to people I might not have ever met in my life, otherwise. I have loved it, hated it, felt exhausted, felt deprived, felt selfish, felt privileged, along with many tearing emotions that have crossed my heart and mind during this process.

Every moment that I have spent in my field has been an experience to cherish and learn from. I have emerged much stronger and informed, aware and amazed at the immense knowledge pool that exists in this world, to immerse myself in. And of those many lessons that I have learnt, there are a few of them, which as a researcher I find very crucial to be shared; crucial because they might be the tipping point for data collection, and for a soul to collect the right memories.

My 10 point list on how to approach field work

Though I am no pro at the field, my field experiences have taught me a lot of pointers and places where many  researchers go wrong. So, here is a 10-pointer list (though the list is never ending) that might change the way researchers approach a field.

1. Speak less, listen more

When I work with women, I realize that before I start throwing my questions, I have to spend a little time listening to them – to their stories, to their bits and pieces, to their dilemmas, to their anxieties – there is much more than just stories there. The key point to be remembered here is that we are here to learn from them first and then help fill the gaps if required.

They are the source and we are here for learning. If a researcher reinforces this time and again, he/she will never go wrong. They will be more open, more friendly and you might dig up some very deep, realistic information that might not be possible otherwise. Be polite, not preachy!

2. Communicate your purpose well

One of the many ways researchers fail is when they don’t pre-inform  the purpose of their visit clearly to their field sample (I hate calling people sample/subject!) When we are out conducting a survey or taking an interview, we often forget that our first responsibility is to be honest with them about our purpose.

Very often I have been asked questions like, “We hope you won’t ask about contraception”, “Who is paying you for this?”, “Did you come from the government?” and so on. So my first task  is to clarify who I am, why I am there, and what I will do with this information. Once that is done, they choose to answer or not, and depending on that, I take it forward.

3. Say No when you need to

“Here, have some water”, she said and I took the glass from her hand, and kept it beside me. It is  common courtesy to offer water to visitors. And I am not asking you to trouble your system and drink water whenever offered to you. But we often forget that when we say no, we create an image in their head that we find them inferior.

While working with slums and in villages in India, this has been my biggest challenge. I have graduated from a NO  to taking the glass and even sipping it though to later repent when I’m down with stomach troubles. But the challenge here is to do this right. Never drink from a mineral water bottle in front of them. Never refuse. Ask for tea (it’s boiled and a much better option). The important lesson is to not mess with your system as you are there on an agenda but more importantly to not dishearten them or be offensive. We are there as a part of a research army and often, unintentionally, we mess it up for the rest of the soldiers.

4. Get your language right

Traveling and working in India and abroad, you realize that one of the biggest challenges  is language. You can’t know them all. And so, before you enter the field, get a hold of a few related words,  or a few phrases in that language. As somebody who does this every time, I can vouch that it’s the best way to instantly form a rapport. They see that the you are taking initiative.

A hundred women have chuckled at me in the villages of Tamil Nadu as I spoke in Tamil, and in Haryana, as I sported the little Haryanvi I know. From Maithili in Bihar to Sinhalese in Sri Lanka, little phrases have helped me gather effective data. After all, even when you work along with a translator, you can’t always merge in. And so, language empathy is a must for acceptance. Don’t converse in front of them in English or any other alien language amongst each other as that creates a wall difficult to break.

5. Stay locally

For me, the whole idea of fieldwork is to immerse myself into the life there to gather and observe the details and learn from them. So, most of the times my agenda is to find a place to live as locally as possible. In fact, many a times I stay with a family in the field. The experience that eating, sleeping, and living with them gives goes way beyond merely going and observing for a day or two.

Time constraints are a major thing but sharing a meal might make it one of the most memorable learning and data collection experiences for you. For instance, my trip to Tamil Nadu – where I stayed with a family in the village for ten days changed the way I saw data collection – as much more than mere information gathering in an hour or so. Sit with them. Not on a chair. Eat from the plate. Not from a packet. Walk around with them. Everything helps you get closer and realistic towards your goal.

6. Don’t lose focus, but be flexible

On the field, time is key. Everyone goes on a scheduled agenda with do’s and don’ts, to-dos and time frames. And as a researcher we have to always keep reminding ourselves to not lose track of the work goals we set for ourselves. But as we do that, we have to be flexible. Keep spaces open for things that might go wrong.

When one is on field one ends up listening to things that might not be a part of the interview schedule or agenda of research but might give you an insight much deeper than usual. So, flexibility in your schedule might help in learning some things for life. An extra day might take you a long way.

7. Be empathetic, not sympathetic

Often, I realize how blessed I am with the right education, freedom, and choices to do what I want, when I meet people who are struggling for the basics. But I always remember that I should try to never sympathise. The idea of fieldwork is to create empathy in you (beyond data collection) rather than sympathy.

We are all one. Living and sharing their experiences should not be a day task you do. In order to understand deeper issues, challenges and struggles, especially when working on sensitive issues like prostitution, contraception and sexual health, empathy goes a long way.

8. No fake promises

As one of the most crucial pointers of the lot, one of the many ways researchers fail is that they end up making promises to the people knowing that they will not be meeting them, ever. What we forget is that we leave a road closed for many others who might come after us.

Once a woman asked me  to give her some money in exchange for the interview, I politely told her why I couldn’t do that. Another woman had asked me to take her along to the city; I was sweet enough to make her understand why that can’t be done. It is the moral duty of every social work researcher and field worker to understand that we cannot use people for our selfish reasons.

We need to be thankful for them to be helping us and we need to be clear in being honest and avoiding any fake promises. “No, I might not come back ever, though I would love to someday” might just be honest and humble enough to help them understand.

9. Smile, often

The barriers in communication are often created through body language. One of the many things that I think work on field is a smile. Every time I face a challenge, I smile. Every time people say no, I smile and try to work it out. Every time I am told something offensive, I smile to calm down the anger in the person.

They have their inhibitions to change, their barriers to new things, their anger of life not working out. And during that process, asking them to listen to us, help us, or share their stories is asking a little bit more than they can easily give.

People have their challenges and struggles. They have their inhibitions to change, their barriers to new things, their anger of life not working out. And during that process, asking them to listen to us, help us, or share their stories is asking a little bit more than they can easily give. Smiling helps break a lot of barriers. It’s tried, tested, and works every single time.

10. Dress right 

One of the major places where most of us go wrong is entering the field dressed in an attire that creates the first barrier for the people with whom we plan to interact. We are aliens for them coming from the city they might never get to see, the city they have heard only stories about. And so, dressing in the local way is important to merge in the crowd and make them feel we are one of them. Throw away your branded shades, shed those bags and become one of them. Trust me, you will feel the difference in the way rapport turns easier. It’s the first level of impression, after all.

While there are a thousand lessons that I have learnt from books in college to real life on field, the above 10 tips summarize a lot of the ways we as researchers might go wrong. Next time you are on your field, think of these 10!

Everyone has their own set of experiences but many times, sharing these might help others to deal with situations effectively. Worked with people? Share your stories here in the comments section! Would love to hear them!

This article was originally published at womens web by the author. 

Unpaid Care Work : Are Women Getting A Raw Deal?

If you spend time cleaning, cooking, washing, and taking care of your family, do you deserve recognition? Why women believe their role as care-givers is pre-destined, and why this must stop.

I vividly remember an uncle of mine telling me how his wife does nothing, while he brings the bread to the house. He was implying that the daily chores had no value to add to his smooth-functioning existence. And this was a young, educated man, raised in a city.

A typical scenario in an Indian home includes at least one female member of the house doing the daily chores, breaking her back, and still being called a Housewife (which is considered equivalent to having no job). This scenario, is much worse in rural areas where the number of family members to take care of, and the number of household tasks multiply immensely.

The situation of rural women who are unable to open their mouths cannot be imagined. On one of the field trips to Bihar (one of the most backward states in India), I came across a family of 8 members with one woman in the productive, young age group taking care of all of the rest. Her daily chores included taking care of her 5 children, husband, his parents, and the animals of the house. With poverty on one hand, and her cooking, washing, bathing, care-taking cycle on the other, she was made to believe that this is the reason why she exists.

To me, this extreme burden with no appreciation or accountability on the part of society sounded brutal. Not only did it violate her body but  it had also created mental stress in her, giving rise to multiple health problems (without a care-giver for herself!). Worse still, she was  beaten up quite often by her husband. Needless to say, her productivity is challenged every day, like that of many other women. With little food to eat, little energy to carry out these chores, the children ended up being neglected many a time, leading to poorly developed adults later on.

To me, this extreme burden with no appreciation or accountability on the part of society sounded brutal.

What happens to the benefits the Government provides them with, like free food and health care,  or adult education ? She pointed out, “When I am at home, I am always busy doing different tasks. When do you expect me to go outside to the health care center to get myself examined? That is only done when the situation is out of hands. This is my role as a woman. I have to be the nurturer of the house and so, at the end, I don’t find time to think of myself.” One woman and multiple children often lead to ignorance with respect to education, health & sanitation, and even building civic values. Thereby, she might just bring up her daughter in the same way, with the same values: this is my fate!

It’s a vicious circle.

This is a common sight. For women like her don’t know what to do except take it as their fate. It is even more painful when nobody acknowledges the care activities, let alone provide them with right kind of resources to function smoothly. The rights of caregivers are symbiotically intertwined with rights of care receivers. For me, I think the Government providing funds and resources is one aspect but simply providing access of care givers (who are mostly women) to resources should not be an indicator of  their use of these resources too.

“This is my role as a woman. I have to be the nurturer of the house and so, at the end, I don’t find time to think of myself.”

What is required is that the society starts a) accepting unpaid care work as a form of work, b) helping to provide a support structure for the woman who is doing the back-breaking tasks and c) converting access to usage of services. While it is easier said than done, I think what we truly require along with Government efforts is a Behaviour Change Campaign.

Right now, rural women (urban too, atleast in India) face two kinds of problems with respect to their daily care chores:

a) They don’t know that its not their prescribed job but a gendered role that was given ages ago and has been going on as a tradition, and;

b) the people around, the care receivers, don’t understand the concept of how if these starting points don’t exist, their own productivity is hampered. Acceptance and acknowledgement by their peers is a crucial aspect of defining empowerment with respect to unpaid care work.

I have thought of this many a times. In fact, I have been a party to many debates where I have been the only one arguing, making people understand how its not a biological role for women, but a choice that they make, for which they need to be valued. Behaviour Change Campaigns are very crucial.

And so, when I think of how to raise this issue as a major “Human Rights” issue in the country, here is what I think could help at the community level: Media Advocacy, Using Edutainment Strategy (Education through Entertainment) via soap operas, Talk shows, positive reinforcements through movies, re-scripting the way we see women in homes, are a few steps. We still have a lot of communities who enjoy access to folk music, folk dance, nautanki (local theatre) and so, using these to reach the unreachable local women in order to make them aware is crucial. The process has to be smooth in order to avoid rebellion from the community and so, I have seen that local community media is the best way of taking the message forward. In this the immense pool of ICT Tools: Internet, SMS technology etc can help create huge momentum with the help of  Opinion Leaders. At the local level, the opinion leaders like Panchayats (Local governance bodies) with Women heads can be a crucial starting point to take the message forward. Training of community workers to see this aspect and then take it forward can be very helpful.

Behaviour Change Campaigns are very crucial.

In my personal experience, soap operas with educational messages work, and storytelling and reinforcing positive examples  among the community is vital. If people around her start valuing her presence, the process of her participating in decision making, education of children, her own growth and development, health facilities etc will smoothen up.

Policy advocacy is important, but that has to come along with a change in tradition and age-old customs and defined roles of women as care givers. I have seen how policies in India remain as paper documents that don’t percolate down to the most crucial level of the country, the household.

My heart waits to see a house in a village in India where the man helps a woman in the kitchen, where the grandparents do more than just sitting and sipping hukka (tobacco) and where a woman goes to a doctor when she doesn’t feel well. That my dear friends, would be the starting point of change.

What is needed for you to take note of this? Just a question:

Are you valuing the unpaid care work around you?

This article was originally published at womens web by the author. 

How Community Radio Is Giving Rural Women The Voice They Never Had

Women’s access to and participation in the media has always remained a big question, especially in rural areas. But community radio is empowering rural women, as broadcasters and as listeners.

As I walked down the narrow road in a village in the Butwal region of Nepal, I looked around and all I could see were mud houses and women trying to finish one or the other tasks. It was not a new sight for me. It is a common sight in every nook and corner of India. And there I was, standing in the middle of the kuchcha road trying to ask women their experiences with Radio Mukti, a Community Radio station for women by women.

I recalled the day I was in a village in Orchha in the Bundelkhand region, same situation, same huts, different women, similar circumstances. This is a story made up of two stories; two levels where I found women participating in community radio (a local radio station, low power, medium reach, run mostly by a NGO or educational institute) in different capacities, struggling to find a space with limited prospects and unlimited challenges to face.

Picture this: a young girl aged 22 years struggles to move out of her comfort zone in order to create a space for herself in this big world. She describes her movement from being the rebel of the community to the idol many want to follow as one uphill task she undertook. It took her years but she loves what the movement brought to her. As a community broadcaster, she knew what the issues of the people around her were.

She was well aware of the struggles that were being faced at the local level. The community radio, she describes, “…came up as a ray of hope, for I wanted to do something and this was just the right platform.” When she came to work at the station, the community people taunted her for moving out of her house and going to work with men. The fact that she had no mother and she had the responsibility of brothers and sisters on her made her life tougher.

When she came to work at the station, the community people taunted her for moving out of her house and going to work with men.

She describes her daily routine thus: “I get up, cook for everyone, clean the house and then get out to work at the station. Earlier, no one valued what I was doing but when they heard my voice on the radio and saw me solving community problems, they started valuing my work. At home, I am the one bringing bread and outside, I am now recognized and respected. I struggled initially with technology and fieldwork but my passion made me persistent. The struggle in the past four years has been hard, but worth it. I feel confident and there is nothing that I am scared of now.”

As a community broadcaster, the Community Radio not only shaped her personality but her connection to the community people brought those grassroots issues to the table.

She is not just a story. She represents the story of many women I have met working in similar capacities at various radio stations, in India and in Nepal. The fact that women from different communities and villages are being represented in the media, their issues brought out, speaks for itself.  The names are varied, but the stories of women working in community radio have been similar.

The second story is a story of women at the listener level. My field visits tell me similar stories. I meet women in villages and slowly gather them for a discussion. In one of the visits in Gujarat, I can see how difficult it is for women to multi-task at home, in the farms, trying to accomplish any task left to their disposal. For me the challenge with women’s participation in media has always been ownership and access in homes to the technologies and access to mediums outside to take a stand and be a leader.

Women have always been the deprived gender. Even in the field of Media, the access and participation of women has been extremely limited. In the area of Community Radio, the issues of reach and ownership with respect to women have been challenged as it operates in the vicinity and movement is not a big question. While policies promote involvement of women in Community Radio, the reality is that it’s not as simple as it looks. Breaking the patriarchal shackles and stepping out of the mental walls is a task, which needs a lot of support and encouragement from a social perspective.

Breaking the patriarchal shackles and stepping out of the mental walls is a task, which needs a lot of support and encouragement from a social perspective.

Acting as a major information channel for women, a Community Radio station exists in their vicinity, is an immediate source of information, knowledge and at many instances hastens behavior change. It is interesting how every station that I have visited in India and Nepal includes at least one such woman broadcaster who has broken the shackles of the house, kept aside her challenges of literacy, has fought against all the barriers and has come out as a role model for women in the community.

She is the one who has moved beyond the unmarked yet known boundaries of the community territories, where she was once not even allowed to step out of the house. It’s an amazing sight – how technology has done what a lot of policies failed to do: include women.

With both men and women being keenly involved, I have always seen that the involvement of women has been beyond music and farming. They are the ones concerned about not just their children and the health of the house but are equally bothered about the rates of the vegetables they have grown, how to take care of animals, old age, health as well as issues of knowing their rights.

As a woman listener from one of the stations I visited remarked, “For us, the station is like the local activist who is not only giving us information and making us aware, but is also acting as a problem solver. Any issue we have, we call them and they give us information.. Sometimes, if we can’t go to the station, they come down and record our opinions and broadcast them…it’s empowering just listening to ourselves on the radio.”

For many who can’t read or write, or even understand any other language, the fact that the programmes a CR airs are made in their native language, by women like them, on issues that belong to them makes the station the sole source of information. One of the women from a station in rural Nepal once told me, “We don’t know what our rights are. Before the station came we did whatever was told to us, now we are trying to fight against wrong, we want to stand for ourselves and our children.” A community radio need not be all women, yet it reaches more women as they are the ones with access issues, to any form of technology, to any form of information.

Quoting Arundhati Roy, “There is no such thing as ‘voiceless’. There are only the ones deliberately silenced or preferably unheard”. I am a strong believer that through Community Radio as a medium of the masses in real, the idea of making the unheard come out and voice out their opinions is slowly coming to reality, especially for women.

This article was originally published at women' web by the author. 

Breaking the Culture of Silence in India

“I was a girl, now I am a woman, I came alone, I die alone.

People cried when I was born, when I die none will mourn.”

_________

Antim, 13 years old had not eaten properly since years. After all, she was a girl.  When she was born, the whole community had cried. Not tears of joy but of pain. After the torturous nine months that her mother had gone through, all everyone was expecting was to see the baby that would carry the family name ahead, bring joy to the community where having a baby girl was a sin. And when she came in, not only did the family-friends cried, the mother who had borne her in her uterus cried, from both her heart and her body. She was that’s why named Antim, which meant, the last one.

Her mother conceived almost as soon as she could again. And when her brother was born, that was the end of any happiness she could have seen in this world where patriarchy was the only rule that prevailed. While the whole crowd around her danced in joy, the pain she will have to go through was right in front of her, waiting to grab her like a demon. As she grew, she remained aloof of the basic joys of life: freedom, food and family. At 13, when she started menstruating for the first time, as confused as she was of the changes that were happening to her, she was unaware of the fact that now, the burden of being a woman had grabbed her, a burden she would have to deal with a smile on her face. No proper nutrition, thousand rules to abide by, and unaware of what she could have been, she was being trained to become a woman, a woman who her mother was, her grandmother was and may be her baby girl will be later.

Menstruation is a phenomenon that changes everything for a girl. As she dwindles with the body and emotional changes that happen to her, she is forced to take it as a curse instead of a blessing. On one hand where she can see her body change, on the other she sees how her curious mind is shut forever. Neither does her mother tell her what to do, nor does anybody else. Hygiene, nutrition, puberty, sex education are topics that are dusted under the carpet. As she grows, she realizes that she must have done sins to be born a woman.

______________

Suman, 23 years old sits beside me as we discuss the issues women face in the community. A look at her is enough to understand that though she smiles, she is empty inside. A mother to three girls, she has recently gone through her third abortion. In her six years of marriage, she has been pregnant almost always. With an expressionless face, she explains that somewhere women are born to live a life this way. The purpose of a woman coming on this earth is only to reproduce and so what she was going through seemed to her like a duty. Desires somewhere had died long ago, or maybe never existed at all.

She was married when she was 17 years old. A case of child marriage as she was, she had never seen her husband’s face, and so marriage was just another duty. In a small yet rich town of the most prosperous state of India, she came to her in-laws knowing the duties she was entitled to do. One of which was satisfying her husband in bed, another one being giving the family the heir, male heir. On one hand while she dwindled with expectations of the family growing every day for her to produce a baby boy, she was being cursed every day for failing to deliver. And so, one abortion after another she was loosing faith in her being able to fulfill her duty, failing to be the ideal woman she was defined to be since childhood. Droopy eyes with dark circles around, she was pregnant this time too and scared because soon she had to go through an ultrasound examination to know the sex of the baby. Little she know, its not she who defined the sex of the baby, biologically.  Suman as she was proudly named, which means a flower, had no meaning in her life because she wasn’t aware what blooming was all about.

Issues of Family Planning go way beyond the number of babies. It encompasses the awareness of contraception, rights to make that choice on using one, it entails the issues of Maternal and childcare, it entails patriarchy and control over bodies, involves issues of infection, HIV and Violence Against Women. It’s much more than contraception and incentives to get vasectomy or birth control.  The fact that even today women simply fail to say NO to their husbands and family pressures go beyond any government scheme or incentives given. The issue remains, of dialogue to move beyond ego issues of males related to condoms, of asking instead of forcing to have sex and reproduce.

_____________

Banwari, 55 years sat next to her granddaughter telling her how to cook as her mother went on the farm. She is greeted by the Nurse from the nearby Local health Clinic set up by the government asking her about the injection schedule for the baby boy just born. During the few minutes of conversation, she is tempted to ask her about the changes that she has been undergoing. She had been trying to ask her since months and so, after a lot of courage she shares her troubles. She goes on and describes a series of symptoms that she has been going through. Her knees have started to pain, she is having uneven periods.. the nurse tells her about Menopause but tries to explain to her how she should get herself tested for once. She shuns the idea, takes it as normal and shows her the door.

After two more months of pain and trouble, she wonders if she should have got those tests done. The local ayurveda doctor medicines didn’t work, neither did the priests prayers. The local community radio channel playing on the radio beside her grandson who lies there playing on the cot has the reporter discussing a similar problem. She is hesitant to discuss the issue with anyone, but after a lot of thinking she finally gathers the courage to call the doctor on the call-in show, happy that she isn’t sitting face to face with him. Being retold to get herself examined, she wonders if it was time to see a doctor.. silently, she gets back to her work. She looks at her grand daughter, maybe she sees in her a reflection of her own past. Named after Lord Krishna himself, she must show courage to handle all her pains.

While Menopause is a natural phenomenon, cervical cancers have been on a rise in the country of India. The fact that a woman would think a hundred times before she sees a doctor for a ‘personal’ problem that should not be spoken about to anyone, makes it evident that screening is slower even after awareness. Even today, when it comes to issues related to Maternal Health, Personal hygiene and Feminine care, women in rural India are just not ready to voice out their concerns, their fears. The will live in pain, as they have been trained to but never speak out, thereby remain voiceless.

_____________

These Three stories connect to the Culture of silence in India. Keep aside men. Keep aside social rituals. The fact that even a woman cannot easily talk to a woman about her troubles and get empathy in return makes it evident that even after 65 years of independence, women are crippled by social customs and age-old traditions to a level where they wont speak their desires out. Though systems of support outside family exist, the fact that the first connection should happen at home leaves them helpless. The culture of silence on issues of Menstruation, Maternal Health and Menopause have been there since ever, especially in Northern part of India. These three make women feel burdened of living and while she had faced the same in her childhood, she doesn’t easily take a step to fight for her daughter or daughter-in-law.

Privacy is good. But sometimes issues like these that are of common good, women good, need to be spoken out loud. “We tell ourselves stories in order to live” was a strong statement that Joan Didion had given long time ago. Such stories of pain and sorrow need to be spoken out loud in order to motivate women not to face troubles with a smile, but to voice out the issues they face, the pains they go through, the fears they live with.

What is the starting point?

“Starting a dialogue, maybe”