"The Delhi Girl" Syndrome (Part 1)

Question: “Hey, where are you from?”

While I have been asked this question many a times at many places by a variety of people in a variety of manner, I am always quiet surprised by the kind of reaction my answer gets. There is something about Indians trying to know where the other person is from. And my answer to this question being “DELHI”, you should not be surprised, gets the most amazing and weirdest reactions.

The first time I experienced this in person was in 2009. Well, I had experienced it many a times before as well, but this was when I faced the reaction in person. Generally the situation in which this question had been popped on me was where my interaction with the person was only for a few minutes, typical places being airports, resorts, and railway stations etc. But in 2009 as I went on my first ever stay out of Delhi alone, I experienced and lived the tag of being a “Delhi Girl” for three whole months.

In the city of Patna when the people I was about to live my life with as a paying guest for next 3 months gave me a LOOK on my reply, I got the first shock of my life. I was 21 years old. And this being my first ever living outside Delhi (yes yes, I am born and brought up in Delhi) came as a shock to me. There was a sudden change in attitude towards me and everyone around was attempting to make me realize how much cooler they are. I was very confused. For start, I didn’t see any difference between me and them at all. Also, the confusion hailed from the fact that I failed to understand the logic of being from Delhi, and that too a “Delhi Girl” made me any different from the other team mate I had (except for the fact, she was from America, and a Korean by origin).

And there I was at 21 struggling with what difference does it make if I am from Delhi and here I am 26 writing this story from a small town in Himachal Pradesh still struggling with “Oh! You are a Delhi Girl” attitude. Nothing has changed in this regard while I have experienced the same reactions, even worse at various places. I am still confused and I still fail to understand what I should do about it.

Over the past 5 years, I have traveled. From Patna, to Singapore, to Ohio to Texas, Seattle, Orissa, Kolkata, Gujarat, Haryana, New York… cities and towns, villages and even smaller settlements. And my interactions with people in these places and their reactions to my being a “Delhi Girl” can be categorized in the following two kinds:

•        The Haters: I call the people in this category as the ones who look at Delhi with the eyes of envy. Typically educated and informed, they either want to be a part of Delhi or they simply cant understand why their cities cant be any cooler. I mean, I love Delhi, yes! But I think that does not negate the fact that every city has its own charm. But, coming back to these people. A lot of them are my friends by the way now. But they describe to me a very different version of how I see myself.  For them a girl from Delhi is a brat who not only over-shows how she is way cooler and knows everything but also has a sense of superiority, which lacks any knowledge. Basically, a girl who has no brains but thinks she has it all.  The situation is so worse at times that as soon as people hear me being from Delhi, they stop recognizing anything I do as authentic and having any substance. There is a sense of discomfort along with becoming blind and deaf to anything I do and being from Development sector, I find myself in worst situation. My personal experiences have made me hear things like these: “Oh, you are from Delhi, we should keep a distance”, “oh, Delhi..hmm..ok” “ohhhh, Delhi? Hahh” While gestures and actions speak louder then words, sometimes the words are strong enough to leave no stone unturned for me to get into an uncomfortable situation. 

•      The Lovers: These are those people who adore anybody who comes from Delhi. They welcome anyone with open arms after knowing they are from Delhi and always try to show how they are somewhere linked to Delhi. “Oh, my uncle’s aunt’s son’s daughter is living in Delhi (in reality: Gurgaon)”, “I have been to Delhi..(like some 8-10 years ago) etc.. and While they are surely adorable set of people, they also try to tell you how cooler they are. Sometimes, I have ended up getting marriage offers from this category people (they want someway get connected to Delhi).

I am personally, amused by both Lovers and Haters but it is the Haters who are more difficult to mold themselves and break the image they have of Delhi. They have developed a stereotype based on one or two girls from Delhi they have met in person (who, by the way are not even originally from Delhi but have studied in Delhi or something).. To be brutally honest, I have seen majority of girls around me also falling in this category and I realize that the image these people have build of girls from Delhi isn’t wrong totally. Stereotypes after all are built by experiences and they obviously have had their encounters with the typical Delhi girls (I hate that term, though, but still). Well, I struggle at times but the walls that are built around me based on my city make it difficult for me to function in my work life. It is a challenge I face every single time I am out of Delhi, in Orissa or even in Boston (I have an amazing Boston story to tell, but that for later).

I am breaking stereotypes and I like it. I am a Delhi girl but I am moldable, I am flexible in the kind of lifestyle I live and I owe my education and my upbringing at home for this. I also feel that a lot of girls from Delhi are like me but we are overshadowed by the ones who carry a good for nothing attitude. (I am not trying to demean anyone but this is the truth!!)

Success in changing attitude of people has been huge. I have made some great friends who have realized I am not even an inch of the image they carry in their heads and some of them love me for doing that. On the other hand, I thank them for opening my eyes to a whole new world of “how people see Delhi girls” and even “how I see Delhi girls”.. Yes, at times, they are dumb but in this era of movement and swiftness, we shouldn’t tag anyone based on the city they live in.

(Cheers to breaking stereotypes! I am in process of researching this whole issue and definitely, there are many angles to it.. Read later for more)

I hate you like I love you!

As I drive to work on the roads so jam packed with hundreds of cars, buses and other vehicles I hear the song "D..D..D...Dilli..Dilli..Dilli..Dilli..Dillliiiii" from the movie "No one killed Jessica" playing on high volume in my car. Though its music makes one feel all pepped up and jump up kinds, the slow traffic makes me wonder how much I am crazy about living in this city.. or am I not? The fact is that maybe I am just too habitual of living in Delhi, the capital of India.

Currently 24, one can say I have spent most (99.9%) of my life living in the city of Delhi. A "Born and Brought up Dilli ki Mundi" is how I call myself and honestly I like the tag. But, to come to think of the reasons as to why I have lived in and loved Delhi, they aren't many. Honestly, being born in a business family with all ancestors in Delhi, I never had much of choice but to live here. Even today I find myself thinking deep as to why I love Delhi so much despite the fact that I have traveled so many places but haven't lived per-say anywhere except Delhi..

The other day, as I sat on the terrace of my house with bird chirping around and honking cars, I jotted down the pros and cons of being a Delhi-ite (in my mind).. I love the fact that I was born and brought up in the Capital city of country where every-bloody-thing you think of is so accessible. It lies in the heart of the land of India with people all over the country dying to come to either work, for leisure or study. Living in Delhi has made me an independent yet grounded person. There are specifics we have like "Juggad" which every person in Delhi understands very well.. No matter what religion, language, color or creed, if you have lived in Delhi you have used "Juggad" at some or the other point for your own good. Another thing I adore is the open space..you have so many places where you can experience different kinds of adventures..Eat & Shop is in blood for a Delhi-ite..and so is bargain & short-cuts.. I enjoy every bit of the city..lifestyle, fashion, ethnicity, culture, monuments, architecture, history, food, roads,...nearly everything!

Ahh...So..Do I love Delhi a lot? Am I a person who if taken out from the city will die out in pain just like the so many friends of myn living & working in different parts of the country & world? Will I also become one of those who write their facebook status as "God I miss Delhi" once a while? Wil I also post pictures of my days in Delhi and make a sad smiley stating how much I loved living in Delhi??? Honestly, the story is incomplete until I write down the cons!

As a young woman in Delhi, I have always felt unsafe moving out. Being independent in Delhi comes with a payment we make in terms of security & safety. As I travel around the country and the world, I have seen a funny side of my parents... They wont mind me out of hotel in Singapore late at night even if I am alone but will mind me not coming back at 8pm in Delhi, even when I am with my friends. I dont blame them.. afterall, we all know how many crimes against women take place in the city.. Its the most unsafe city of the country, being the capital town..and I feel ashamed of this fact! Apart from this, I think corrupt people all around trying to make money all the time make me realize that somewhere down the line, its impacting me as an individual unknowingly. I realize that as a Delhi ki Ladki, I too sometimes try to find ways out to get to certain points instead of following the general trend or route. And this side of me, makes me feel even worse about my life in Delhi..From the auto-wala to police-wala. from the thele-wala to a mall shop we find corrupt and unethical people all around trying to earn money in all wrong ways.. and this irritates me because in my struggle to find a way out, I end up becoming one of them..sometimes atleast. We have high pollution, ever rising population, huge traffic lines, irritated lives.. We are a city of unsafe, unknown troubles that can knock at our doors anytime. And, the irony is you dare not speak up because in this city we have criminals as the actual power-players.. You take panga and my god you land yourself in trouble..big trouble!

So do I hate Delhi? Do I dislike this part so much that the goodness of Delhi doesnt make much sense?? Honestly, the answer is unknown. The aura, magical aura that lies in the lanes of the city, nomatter how unsafe those lanes are..make me awww in for Delhi.. Its like that marijuana addiction which is harmful yet amazing..gives one a high.. Like they say.. U can take a Delhi-ite out of Delhi but you cant take Delhi out of a Delhi-ite! Such is the case with me.. because noomatter where I am..nomatter how much I crave to get out of the city every other week..nomatter how much I hate the fact that its so huge, takes time to travel around..I know..whereever I am..I am a Delhi ki Kudi..at heart & mind and in soul..

I will end by just saying a few lines I like in a song that makes me remind of Delhi whenever I am traveling outside Delhi.. "Mai Jahan rahoon..Mai kahin bhi hoon.. Teri yaad saath hai...Kisi se kahun, ya nahi kahun..ye jo dil ki baat hai.."

Delhi after all is masti hai mastano ki..gali hai deewanon ki Dilli..Thats why..I say.. I hate it like I love it!

(Special thanks to my friends settled outside Delhi- India or abroad always crying their heart out for their Love for the city..Guys! If you miss it so much, come back ..or you too suffer from what I call a Love-Hate relationship??)