Women, Travel & Safety: A Personal Account

“Don’t travel after 6.”

“Take the Women’s Cell number, store it on your speed dial.”

“Put that app on your smartphone.“

“Don’t travel alone.”

“Inform us every time you get out of the hotel.”

“Where are you now?”

“Why didn’t you pick my call?”

—–

I am expressionless. Every single time I plan travel, for work, study or fun, these questions are thrown at me by my parents and other loved ones around. Earlier, as a young girl they used to annoy me; a few years later, I understood their anxiety and now, I am mostly in the ‘same answer for every question’ mode. As a single woman who loves traveling, who wants to witness more of her own country than she sees the world, these questions come as a mood spoiler. I understand their pain, I see the worry, I know I would react like this had I been in their shoes, but then somewhere I don’t get it.

There was this story recently about a married woman being raped by the staff in a high end resort in Kerala, where she was on a work trip. And then, only today I read about this tourist in Puducherry who was raped multiple times by some 12-15 men in groups of two after being kidnapped from a Christmas party she was attending with some friends. And then a story of a woman raped by police officers in a police station. There have been many stories, one every day, acting like a hair raiser for me.

I travel alone. Mostly. And when I do that, I see this worried look on my mothers face. I don’t blame her. Given the times in which we live, India especially doesn’t look safe for any woman. Be it me as a citizen, or any friend as a tourist, the questions that surround us while we travel in India (even abroad sometimes) are more to do with safety than anything else. I remember that day on the beach in Sri Lanka when a man looked at me with leering eyes trying to signal to me in broad day light. I also clearly remember every single person in villages in India telling me to not get out of my room or house after 6 pm/dark. I also remember how I was being followed by a group of men in Orissa. I remember that cold night in Madhya Pradesh and my hostel warden telling me to not open the door for anyone, anyone! I remember that dark night in Patna and a shared auto ride I took to my guesthouse that still gives me gooseflesh. I remember those auto drivers who try to act smart. I remember being mistaken for a foreigner in my own country, leered at even more.

These are memories I carry with me on every next trip I go on, especially alone. Harsh as they sound, they have made me stronger and somewhat more vigilant every next time. But every single time I look back, I realize how something serious might have happened, how I just escaped a major life changing moment, how I was lucky enough, how I live in a country where every day I read stories of girls being molested in their homes, of women being raped while on the move, of tourists being subjected to violence and all I see is every incident flash before my eyes where I survived.

Do I have any gyan to share? No. Was I just lucky? Maybe. But the truth is that safety has been a big question that remains unanswered for every woman who plans to travel in India. (I know I sound a little too much against my own country but having travelled to other countries, I know the difference in level of safety.) Situations and questions are not the same when I am in other countries. My parents are a little less scared, the deadlines for being home are a little more flexible and even if I miss a few calls from them, they don’t panic very easily. Their reaction, “Beta, India is India. We know it’s very unsafe here.”

Unsafe in my own home? Maybe that’s the irony we face. I meet women abroad who are smug at the thought to coming to India post the December 16th incident. I stand there with a straight face while my patriotic spirit and reality check tear my heart and mind out and I become numb instead of fighting to give an answer. I know the flaws India has with respect to travel and safety for women. I know I live in a country where if a woman is raped at 4 am, instead of questioning the rapist, all fingers are pointed towards the victim and her character with respect to her being out of home at 4 am. I know I live in a country where safety has nothing to do with being an Indian or a foreigner, with being single or married, with being out on work or leisure, with being on a secluded road or being in a ‘safe’ high-end resort. The safety net seems non-existent.

But what should be the takeaway from these short incidents I carry? Should I stop traveling? Should I let fear take over me and stop me from experiencing my own country? Should I, being a single woman, only travel with my husband after I get married? No. I won’t let anyone fall for that. I have learnt to live with the questions that are thrown at me and I hate to see the worry, but do I expect the system to change soon? No. The situation is getting worse everyday with one or other woman being raped.

Travel and safety are not an agenda for any political party anywhere. The Women’s Cell seems like a useless structure to rely on. What do we have now? Smartphone applications to rely on? What about those women who don’t have cellphones and those places where internet reception is still a question? Speed dials, run for life, learn martial arts, keep pepper spray… do we have anymore survival tricks? The focus remains on from the victim’s side to save herself and not on changing the criminal angle. The reality is that law has failed women every time.

Violence against women is a broad term and while I survive each time, I wonder every single time I am out, if this is it. I am not worried about myself as much as I feel worried for those many women who face these issues along with me. When will the situations change? When will we come out of a phase where traveling for women can be stress free?

Do I sound extreme? Maybe, but this is my personal account. Till then, all I can hear while I am out is “Beta, take care of yourself” while I try to shut out those flying kisses being thrown at me and those leering eyes that literally strip every woman they see. The question remains, is ignoring the only solution we have?

Pic credit: Moyan Brenn (Used under a Creative Commons license

This article was originally published at Womens Web: http://www.womensweb.in/2014/01/women-travel-safety-india/

Action & Reaction: How would a woman react if she is the victim?

“I was around 20 years old, young and still in college. Starting to make up a career in Development Sector. The reason being the very passion towards people, equality and humanity, I knew I had chosen a path that would make me happy from my core. Little did I know, that there are predators waiting for girls like me to fall in the web of seduction? Little did I know that the career I was selecting for the reason that it was “all about humanity”, was in real as dirty as it can get.” she said. And all I had was questions in my head as I saw her tears roll down her red cheeks.  All I had were hazy images of men looking at my breasts as I spoke to them instead of talking to my face. All I had were the hazy voices in my ears on the many remarks I had heard walking down the lanes of villages in India. I realized, how every woman is at the same point, how everyone is scared to react and fight back.

The Tehelka debate and the presence of Sexual Harassment at work place has raised some very critical questions for all of us.  It is not something new. It has been happening. Hush-Hush as it may be, what the Tehelka issue has done is brought it into the open. Nobody can run away from the fact that it is not just the Media sector where this is happening. But I am not here talking about the issue. I believe it is important for us to discuss why and how has this act affected the victim, and many more victims who have gone through the same situation time and again, only that they never gathered the courage to come and speak out in public.

The victim here, even being a journalist is finding it tough to survive the acquisitions and the torture after the original torturous act (RAPE). Her family is being threatened to step back, her emails are being circulated all over and her identity is out, so is her character being questioned. This reminds me of a movie dialogue where they said that a rape victim is raped multiple times at the court as she fights for her rights. That being a reality in India, social repercussions of her coming out and fighting for her rights are making her life miserable. Also, shunning many other women to speak up against the tortures happening with them, though promoting a few too initially. We have to accept the fact that here the victim is an educated women who knows her rights. Which is a rare thing in India where many a women have no clue about what they are not entitled to go through (read: Domestic Violence, Marital Rape etc). We also have to accept to the fact that reason why this case is so widely being discussed is because it involves a high profile Media Professional who has a history of reporting rights and wrongs. That being said, my question to myself is, will this be done if it is a case of a young dalit girl being abused by her employer in a village area? No right? How many times have we heard about a case from a local area in similar way? It’s a rare possibility for it to even come out as a news report in a newspaper column. And however irrational my debate here might sound, to me every woman is equal and needs protection and safety net developed, environment conducive enough for her to stand up for her rights.

On one hand while this is happening, on the other hand, we as a world are talking about 16 days of Activism for Violence Against Women (VAW).  The slogans “Color your world Orange” and “Stand for the cause of Violence Against Women” are all over everywhere. To me however, they make little sense, as it is only saying and no action. There are laws, there are systems, there are NGOs-National Commission for Women-UN etc. And while all these systems exist in India, the only place where we fail is our social structure. The fact that it would be a social disgust if a woman comes out and shares how she was violated, how her body was targeted makes it impossible for any commission, any NGO to function properly. Little done than said? The end result: ineffective and failed systems and policies.

Fast track courts and FIRs happen at a later stage i.e. once a woman has filed a case. What to me is a question is the point where a woman has to decide weather or not she will file the case or speak up? And that is the point where she thinks about the repercussions on her family, on her own future. And that is the point where I know that maximum women give up and happily live with the fact that there is no point fighting for it. She would fake a smile, be scared to travel yet do it, look at every colleague and employer with suspicion while she dresses to avoid any direct attack on her (because society thinks its to do with dressing).

And while I discuss this, lets go back to where we started. The story of it happening in Development Sector tells us how Action isn’t present even in the place where much is being talked about it. If a place that talks about action is a ground for such activities to happen, how do you expect a woman to react? How do you expect a woman to fight back? What will she do if the very people who are supposed to be helping her fight back are the ones doing the crime? When is it that enough is enough?

With all this and many more thoughts in my head, I sleep to wake up with hope that things would be better. But will they be if we don’t start the process at home itself? Will policies be effective if our judicial system fails to recognize the severity of the crime, the prevelance and so something strong about it rather than making the victim’s character societally raped by many a multiple times? Will it happen unless families of the criminal stop protecting them from it? Will it happen until we start doing what we preach & teach to all?

Be the change? Yes, very inspirational. But how far can one survive? Do we have positive stories to learn from? I am as clueless as any woman but I know that if things have to change, this is the time. Or its never going to happen. Support the victims around you, save yourself from becoming one, fight for every woman who faces this because it’s a Global cause and not just “her”story.