Fighting Female Foeticide: Stories From A Typical Day At Work

The story below is a real life experience of the author during a session on female foeticide in a village in Haryana.

This is the first of  two stories: one from a day at work in a village, and another from her own life in a city, both revolving around female foeticide & preference for sons – making it clear that the issue has nothing to do with urban-rural settings.

“They will keep on asking me to reproduce till they get a son for the family.”

—x———-x———–

In 2005, during a project in my undergrad school, I did a secondary research project on the issue of Female Foeticide and Son Preference in India. In 2011-12, I was traveling from one village to another in Haryana, conducting sessions with men and women to create awareness, answer queries, and to try changing mindsets of the people on the issue of the girl child, female foeticide, and son preference.

In these years, I had worked with a few organizations on the issue, assisted my sister on her project relating to the same, done behavior change campaigns, and developed innovative communication tools for the same. Yet, I stood there,  facing the dilemma of why, how, and when. 

The Scenario

At the meeting to raise questions

During one of my visits, I traveled into a small village of one of the states with a terrible Male-Female Sex Ratio. I am comfortable interacting with a group of not more than 35-50 people. A small group like that is more interactive, can be handled much more easily, with a better flow of communication- especially on such crucial social issues.

When I reached the venue, I saw a crowd of 200 men and women sitting, divided by the aisle. On one side, sat the men with their turbans. On the other, were the women with their veils crossing their chin. Now this was a little complicated scenario for me. I knew that both categories of my participants appreciated this brutal form of killing and violation of the right to be born; favoring males as the carriers of traditions and family name.

 I knew that both categories of my participants appreciated this brutal form of killing and violation of the right to be born; favoring males as the carriers of traditions and family name.

The Root

The problem of patriarchy, son preference, and women being ignored has deep linkages with every cause I ever took up in the villages with respect to women’s rights and gender issues (violence, education, nutrition, dowry, child marriage etc). The problem was that not only men but even the women followed the so-called traditional methods, thereby creating more disparity.

The problem was also the lack of communication between the men and women, on any social issue. I learnt one thing from this: in order to solve any problem with respect to rights of Women (economic, social, or political ) we need to engage and bring on the same level both the genders of the communities – to discuss and understand.

The problem was also the lack of communication between the men and women, on any social issue.

So there I was, happy to realize that this was one of the most amazing opportunities I could ever have, to make the two interact. I knew the risks were huge. I could be shamed, accused, or worse – thrown out of the village for trying to break the age old systems of functioning and change  the lack of communication between the two genders. But, I realized it was worth the risk.

The Act

As I stood there, I realized that to get the best of reactions, it was important for me to startle my audience with something controversial. And I started with my story. The story of my ancestral home, where son preference was a very commonly accepted norm. I started sharing what I saw as a young daughter to how I became a woman. And as I did this, I threw in my series of snapshots and films I always worked with when interacting in the communities.

I stood there, with a microphone in my hand, amongst the crowd of men and women, asking them why, how, and when. The same questions that I had been carrying with me even after so many years of working on the issue.

Now I had known a few answers all this while. Who will light the pyre of the parents? A son is the gateway to Moksha! A daughter is a source of misery! Who will carry forward the family name and lineage? Who will feed the parents in their old age? Take care of the women?! Why go through dowry? Safety of women? Who will be the man?

The reason I stood there with those questions every time was because I knew I would end up getting a new set of answers, every single time.

The Reactions

One elderly woman turned to me and shouted out loud, saying that I have gone mad to think that its okay to not have a son. This is how she explained the cycle (translated from Haryanvi):

“The world needs men. If a son is born in the family, he takes care of the family, carries the name forward, helps earn money, and feed the members, is safe and does not need to be taken care of (body-wise). He gives dowry for the family’s daughters, takes care of the future rituals (chhuchhak, bhaat etc), protects the family lineage, gives more sons to the house, stays with the parents, lights the pyre and helps achieve moksha (salvation)…

What will we do if we do not have son to do all this? These days the younger generation is having fewer kids. We tell them to not get the foetus aborted, but what is the solution if they want a son? They have to get it cleaned before it turns older (abortion). And now tell me, why should we not promote female foeticide?”

“…And now tell me, why should we not promote female foeticide?”

An old man agreed to the above stated ‘facts’, but also explained how they never pushed the women to have only sons. Every woman agreed that they had gone through so much torture in their lives that having a son meant high social status in the family as she was the carrier.

Slowly, as the discussion garnered more comments and reactions, I saw a chattering crowd of men and women debating on why and why not. A lot of the women with daughters agreed with me, and a lot accused me of trying to change “how it has been”. I stood there smiling internally because I had initiated a major conversation that had been missing from the community, which had accepted female foeticide as the norm.

As I made them see the future of a land without women, a land with a high crime rate, a land where women handled every task that the old lady had mentioned, a lot of the protesters went silent. I had no clue how and what it was going to lead to (the session was a part of a project) but I was hopeful that I had initiated at least a thought which was missing from the majority of the crowd.

A picture of the future  is important. What happens if we keep on going like this? When people realize that it’s not healthy to go on like we are going, the fear increases and chances are many that it will change to a “something should be done” attitude. When a picture of “no women in next 5 years if you keep on killing girls” was shown, people started realizing the value of girls, daughters, wives, mothers.

The Cycle of Change

While a baby cannot be born just with an egg of the mother and needs the sperm of the father, similar is the case with rearing the child. I have seen that in rural areas in India, if a woman works, she takes part in the decision making of the house in the smallest and biggest matters, she has an opinion on the children’s future, and that opinion is heard and valued.

It is important for women in rural areas to realize that the need to change is now, and education is very important. Not just schooling but also awareness and capacity building – which can help develop the logical self, in defining and deciding what is right and what is wrong.

It is important for women in rural areas to realize that the need to change is now, and education is very important. Not just schooling but also awareness and capacity building.

It’s a researched fact that Education has led to understanding and realization of choices, which has further led to economic empowerment and sharing of responsibilities. We can say that the community heritage is a reason too, but education is a founding backbone of the process.

The implementation of policies along with training at the grassroots is crucial, too. Unless people see the reason why change is required strongly, people wont change. And for that to happen, in India atleast, a multi-pronged approach with both Behaviour Change Campaigns and policy level implementations is required.

The Behaviour Change Campaigns need to be community specific/state specific with exhaustive research (using methods like Positive Deviance) to be used to define Why and How and Whom (W’s) of the campaign with participation by the people, for the people. A simple campaign on the Community radios running in the villages can create a change in many homes.

Community Media, and Mass media need to collaborate on common guidelines-based messages that should percolate the homes through edutainment based methods (TV shows, radio programs), in a very subtle way in order to make it a casual process, avoiding rebellion by elders.

I believe and I think it is crucial that the idea should move beyond just saying and towards more doing.  We need strategic methods with constant evaluation in order to stay on track.

That day, at the end of the session, a young woman working with the police came to me. She explained her story as the other young girls hopped around. I saw hope, I saw challenges, I saw passion to make things work. I realized, I cannot give up on the society so easily. I also realized that things can be worked around, but the start has to be made now.

There are a few deviant stories around where girls have been born despite all challenges and have managed to turn into inspiring stories for other to learn from. The challenge is to find these stories and convert them into a norm instead of being an exception.

The cycle of oppression that women go through in their lifetime needs to change. I came back from the session, hopeful and positive for many more deviant stories for us all to learn from. This was not, after all, just another day at work.

This article was originally published at womens web. 

The Researcher’s Guide: 10 Ways To Do Better At Field Work

For any researcher in the public, private or social sector, these 10 ways to do better at field work can make a big difference to the quality of your data and insights.

“I have a thousand stories hidden under my shield to share, those told and those untold…”

“I sit here at the chulha, cook for hours, apart from doing the other household tasks”, she said in Hindi, as I penned down every word cautiously in my interview schedule. I had traveled across 3 villages that day, done 25 interviews, and three focus group discussions. I wanted a cup of tea. I wanted to sit down, as my body was giving up in the scorching heat.

The lady from the neighbouring home dragged me to her house for  tea. I sat down with her near the chulha, looking around, sipping my tea, as the many children jumped in and around to get a glimpse of me. I felt like a celebrity even in my most rural-dressed avatar. I realised that even though I took care of dressing and language, I was still a stranger, an alien to them.

I realised that even though I took care of dressing and language, I was still somewhere a stranger, an alien for them.

As I walked down the narrow lane of the village to get to the motorcycle we had been using for traveling around, I couldn’t easily ignore the looks I was getting from the village people. Every look smiled at me, a smile hard to not smile back at. The sweat was getting to me as I draped my dupatta around my head and walked through the dusty, broken streets, with kids running after me. I loved it but my body was giving up. I grabbed a cookie from my bag and piled up my sugar count just to keep the body functional. There I was, doing what excited me the most in my Ph.D – my fieldwork.

It has been more than 7 years of my life since I have been hopping on to different lands, talking and listening to people I might not have ever met in my life, otherwise. I have loved it, hated it, felt exhausted, felt deprived, felt selfish, felt privileged, along with many tearing emotions that have crossed my heart and mind during this process.

Every moment that I have spent in my field has been an experience to cherish and learn from. I have emerged much stronger and informed, aware and amazed at the immense knowledge pool that exists in this world, to immerse myself in. And of those many lessons that I have learnt, there are a few of them, which as a researcher I find very crucial to be shared; crucial because they might be the tipping point for data collection, and for a soul to collect the right memories.

My 10 point list on how to approach field work

Though I am no pro at the field, my field experiences have taught me a lot of pointers and places where many  researchers go wrong. So, here is a 10-pointer list (though the list is never ending) that might change the way researchers approach a field.

1. Speak less, listen more

When I work with women, I realize that before I start throwing my questions, I have to spend a little time listening to them – to their stories, to their bits and pieces, to their dilemmas, to their anxieties – there is much more than just stories there. The key point to be remembered here is that we are here to learn from them first and then help fill the gaps if required.

They are the source and we are here for learning. If a researcher reinforces this time and again, he/she will never go wrong. They will be more open, more friendly and you might dig up some very deep, realistic information that might not be possible otherwise. Be polite, not preachy!

2. Communicate your purpose well

One of the many ways researchers fail is when they don’t pre-inform  the purpose of their visit clearly to their field sample (I hate calling people sample/subject!) When we are out conducting a survey or taking an interview, we often forget that our first responsibility is to be honest with them about our purpose.

Very often I have been asked questions like, “We hope you won’t ask about contraception”, “Who is paying you for this?”, “Did you come from the government?” and so on. So my first task  is to clarify who I am, why I am there, and what I will do with this information. Once that is done, they choose to answer or not, and depending on that, I take it forward.

3. Say No when you need to

“Here, have some water”, she said and I took the glass from her hand, and kept it beside me. It is  common courtesy to offer water to visitors. And I am not asking you to trouble your system and drink water whenever offered to you. But we often forget that when we say no, we create an image in their head that we find them inferior.

While working with slums and in villages in India, this has been my biggest challenge. I have graduated from a NO  to taking the glass and even sipping it though to later repent when I’m down with stomach troubles. But the challenge here is to do this right. Never drink from a mineral water bottle in front of them. Never refuse. Ask for tea (it’s boiled and a much better option). The important lesson is to not mess with your system as you are there on an agenda but more importantly to not dishearten them or be offensive. We are there as a part of a research army and often, unintentionally, we mess it up for the rest of the soldiers.

4. Get your language right

Traveling and working in India and abroad, you realize that one of the biggest challenges  is language. You can’t know them all. And so, before you enter the field, get a hold of a few related words,  or a few phrases in that language. As somebody who does this every time, I can vouch that it’s the best way to instantly form a rapport. They see that the you are taking initiative.

A hundred women have chuckled at me in the villages of Tamil Nadu as I spoke in Tamil, and in Haryana, as I sported the little Haryanvi I know. From Maithili in Bihar to Sinhalese in Sri Lanka, little phrases have helped me gather effective data. After all, even when you work along with a translator, you can’t always merge in. And so, language empathy is a must for acceptance. Don’t converse in front of them in English or any other alien language amongst each other as that creates a wall difficult to break.

5. Stay locally

For me, the whole idea of fieldwork is to immerse myself into the life there to gather and observe the details and learn from them. So, most of the times my agenda is to find a place to live as locally as possible. In fact, many a times I stay with a family in the field. The experience that eating, sleeping, and living with them gives goes way beyond merely going and observing for a day or two.

Time constraints are a major thing but sharing a meal might make it one of the most memorable learning and data collection experiences for you. For instance, my trip to Tamil Nadu – where I stayed with a family in the village for ten days changed the way I saw data collection – as much more than mere information gathering in an hour or so. Sit with them. Not on a chair. Eat from the plate. Not from a packet. Walk around with them. Everything helps you get closer and realistic towards your goal.

6. Don’t lose focus, but be flexible

On the field, time is key. Everyone goes on a scheduled agenda with do’s and don’ts, to-dos and time frames. And as a researcher we have to always keep reminding ourselves to not lose track of the work goals we set for ourselves. But as we do that, we have to be flexible. Keep spaces open for things that might go wrong.

When one is on field one ends up listening to things that might not be a part of the interview schedule or agenda of research but might give you an insight much deeper than usual. So, flexibility in your schedule might help in learning some things for life. An extra day might take you a long way.

7. Be empathetic, not sympathetic

Often, I realize how blessed I am with the right education, freedom, and choices to do what I want, when I meet people who are struggling for the basics. But I always remember that I should try to never sympathise. The idea of fieldwork is to create empathy in you (beyond data collection) rather than sympathy.

We are all one. Living and sharing their experiences should not be a day task you do. In order to understand deeper issues, challenges and struggles, especially when working on sensitive issues like prostitution, contraception and sexual health, empathy goes a long way.

8. No fake promises

As one of the most crucial pointers of the lot, one of the many ways researchers fail is that they end up making promises to the people knowing that they will not be meeting them, ever. What we forget is that we leave a road closed for many others who might come after us.

Once a woman asked me  to give her some money in exchange for the interview, I politely told her why I couldn’t do that. Another woman had asked me to take her along to the city; I was sweet enough to make her understand why that can’t be done. It is the moral duty of every social work researcher and field worker to understand that we cannot use people for our selfish reasons.

We need to be thankful for them to be helping us and we need to be clear in being honest and avoiding any fake promises. “No, I might not come back ever, though I would love to someday” might just be honest and humble enough to help them understand.

9. Smile, often

The barriers in communication are often created through body language. One of the many things that I think work on field is a smile. Every time I face a challenge, I smile. Every time people say no, I smile and try to work it out. Every time I am told something offensive, I smile to calm down the anger in the person.

They have their inhibitions to change, their barriers to new things, their anger of life not working out. And during that process, asking them to listen to us, help us, or share their stories is asking a little bit more than they can easily give.

People have their challenges and struggles. They have their inhibitions to change, their barriers to new things, their anger of life not working out. And during that process, asking them to listen to us, help us, or share their stories is asking a little bit more than they can easily give. Smiling helps break a lot of barriers. It’s tried, tested, and works every single time.

10. Dress right 

One of the major places where most of us go wrong is entering the field dressed in an attire that creates the first barrier for the people with whom we plan to interact. We are aliens for them coming from the city they might never get to see, the city they have heard only stories about. And so, dressing in the local way is important to merge in the crowd and make them feel we are one of them. Throw away your branded shades, shed those bags and become one of them. Trust me, you will feel the difference in the way rapport turns easier. It’s the first level of impression, after all.

While there are a thousand lessons that I have learnt from books in college to real life on field, the above 10 tips summarize a lot of the ways we as researchers might go wrong. Next time you are on your field, think of these 10!

Everyone has their own set of experiences but many times, sharing these might help others to deal with situations effectively. Worked with people? Share your stories here in the comments section! Would love to hear them!

This article was originally published at womens web by the author.