Recently, while having a discussion with a friend, I suddenly came up with a theory on "what kind of girls men want to marry"??.. Interestingly this concept was in my mind since a long time but what makes me write it down is the fact that I have tested my hypothesis on a statistically significant number of men of varying age groups, married or unmarried.
Being a researcher, I have this funny habit of finding probability of everything that happens around me in a statistically significant manner. I mean, in simple terms I want to know how possible it is that a particular ideology or characteristic or behavior or act will be repeated by many in similar situations. Lets explain with an example...that help in explaining the theory..
I have a friend circle (of men/boys) who offer me an understanding of a variety of experiences. As I discuss with them their life goals and aspirations, marriage often comes in picture. What is but natural for me is to end up discussing with them "What is the image of the person they want to marry?" (Not in a candid love struck manner but in a more mature and realistic manner)..Interestingly, the lot of my friends is so varied that I have MBA's, IPS, Engineers, Doctors and what not to share with me their image of the right girl they wanna end up with. As a curious social researcher, a somewhat feminist, I dont find anything odd in my questioning this aspect though people might find it bit of irritating..So.. what started as a candid topic with one of the friends a year or more ago has ended up becoming a theory.. theory which I have aptly named as "The Theory of The Mentally Virgin"..
Most men (those studied) were of the belief that while as girl friends they dont mind dating outgoing and outspoken girls, the probability of them marrying a more subtle and introvert girl is high. By that, I dont mean that I believe in the popular belief they want to marry virgins (which is also a truth), but what here they want is that they should get married to someone who is mentally a virgin, untouched by the information world, unaware of her rights (RIGHTS) and wrongs and ready to say YES and NO as he wants..One of my discussions with my friend who is turning an IPS officer went like this:
Me: So..you are thinking of getting married anytime soon?
HIM: Oh yeah..will think once I get placed..
Me: Find someone their at the academy itself..
HIM: Nah.. I don't wanna marry a similar background person.. I think a teacher or someone would be better..
Me: Really?? (Aghast as he is turning an IPS officer soon).. I mean whats wrong with an outgoing and career oriented girl..
HIM: Just that it wont suit me..my career
As you find this discussion subtle..I retested this with many other friends..engineers, CAs, etc etc.. and the point was same.. Oh no! The girl shouldn't be over exposed with ideologies and concepts.. How exciting she may look as an extrovert person, it would be tough when you get along as ego clashes will be normal..So..though on one side I am not generalizing this..But I have come down to the belief that Indian men, no matter how open and extrovert they are, no matter how much they agree with women rights, they don't want a woman who exercises the same ideology with and on them.. They might adore you (You being extrovert, ambitious, career oriented and ideologically strong minded) as a friend, as a buddy.. when it comes to finding a partner, all of them want a family oriented girl.. (Bah! As if You as described cannot be family oriented at the same time).. In Short, they need someone who hasn't been affected by the information explosion that the world has undergone.. who though is aware of stuff but is on the neutral way to life, wanting what is right, right being decided by him before her!
And if you think I am exaggerating, re-test this theory with people around you with men who are strong, have opinions and who are planning to settle down early (Please keep in mind these characteristics while selecting your sample). I am a strong minded girl, career being important for me as my family is.. and this theory isn't a product of my exploration for finding a groom.. its a product of my analysis as a social behavior researcher who likes understanding the unusual and hypocritical behavior that our society beings show..
For those who dont agree with it, please feel free to disagree as I am a naive being still exploring this complex society where I was born..I believe we cannot generalize human behaviors and so.. this theory is purely my experience with men/boys around me and around my friends..
Cheers!
(Thanks to a friend with whom this random candid discussion led to the "Mentally Untouched" term being born!...)
I have a friend circle (of men/boys) who offer me an understanding of a variety of experiences. As I discuss with them their life goals and aspirations, marriage often comes in picture. What is but natural for me is to end up discussing with them "What is the image of the person they want to marry?" (Not in a candid love struck manner but in a more mature and realistic manner)..Interestingly, the lot of my friends is so varied that I have MBA's, IPS, Engineers, Doctors and what not to share with me their image of the right girl they wanna end up with. As a curious social researcher, a somewhat feminist, I dont find anything odd in my questioning this aspect though people might find it bit of irritating..So.. what started as a candid topic with one of the friends a year or more ago has ended up becoming a theory.. theory which I have aptly named as "The Theory of The Mentally Virgin"..
Most men (those studied) were of the belief that while as girl friends they dont mind dating outgoing and outspoken girls, the probability of them marrying a more subtle and introvert girl is high. By that, I dont mean that I believe in the popular belief they want to marry virgins (which is also a truth), but what here they want is that they should get married to someone who is mentally a virgin, untouched by the information world, unaware of her rights (RIGHTS) and wrongs and ready to say YES and NO as he wants..One of my discussions with my friend who is turning an IPS officer went like this:
Me: So..you are thinking of getting married anytime soon?
HIM: Oh yeah..will think once I get placed..
Me: Find someone their at the academy itself..
HIM: Nah.. I don't wanna marry a similar background person.. I think a teacher or someone would be better..
Me: Really?? (Aghast as he is turning an IPS officer soon).. I mean whats wrong with an outgoing and career oriented girl..
HIM: Just that it wont suit me..my career
As you find this discussion subtle..I retested this with many other friends..engineers, CAs, etc etc.. and the point was same.. Oh no! The girl shouldn't be over exposed with ideologies and concepts.. How exciting she may look as an extrovert person, it would be tough when you get along as ego clashes will be normal..So..though on one side I am not generalizing this..But I have come down to the belief that Indian men, no matter how open and extrovert they are, no matter how much they agree with women rights, they don't want a woman who exercises the same ideology with and on them.. They might adore you (You being extrovert, ambitious, career oriented and ideologically strong minded) as a friend, as a buddy.. when it comes to finding a partner, all of them want a family oriented girl.. (Bah! As if You as described cannot be family oriented at the same time).. In Short, they need someone who hasn't been affected by the information explosion that the world has undergone.. who though is aware of stuff but is on the neutral way to life, wanting what is right, right being decided by him before her!
And if you think I am exaggerating, re-test this theory with people around you with men who are strong, have opinions and who are planning to settle down early (Please keep in mind these characteristics while selecting your sample). I am a strong minded girl, career being important for me as my family is.. and this theory isn't a product of my exploration for finding a groom.. its a product of my analysis as a social behavior researcher who likes understanding the unusual and hypocritical behavior that our society beings show..
For those who dont agree with it, please feel free to disagree as I am a naive being still exploring this complex society where I was born..I believe we cannot generalize human behaviors and so.. this theory is purely my experience with men/boys around me and around my friends..
Cheers!
(Thanks to a friend with whom this random candid discussion led to the "Mentally Untouched" term being born!...)
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